Top 10 Birds That Could Kick Your Ass

Google+ Pinterest LinkedIn Tumblr +

When you think about birds, you probably think of small, cute animals flying through the air, swooping down to reach their nest. Maybe you think of those “pretty” song birds in the morning. I, personally find them annoying. In any case, the image of a bird generally doesn’t produce anything terrifying.

However, not all birds are cute, and not all of them are nice, so to speak. There are hundreds of dangerous birds that could attack a human, and do a lot of damage. While this top ten list may be plenty amusing, it is also plenty true. Here are the top ten birds that can, and maybe will kick your ass!

10. Seagulls

Go to the beach or to an empty parking lot near water, you’ll surely find a seagull. These white birds with yellow beaks are prone to swooping down and scaring people. However, seagulls don’t usually attack, that is unless you get too close to a nest. Seagulls, like most things in life, are known to protect their young. Try getting close to a seagull nest. I can assure you you’ll receive a few pecks on the head. A woman in Britain was actually hospitalized due to a blow to the head that was as deep as the seagulls beak was long.

9. Vultures

This bird is known to prey on small animals and dead animals. If you’ve ever driven by a dead deer or animal, you have probably seen a vulture eating at the carcass or flying around or somewhere near the animal. If you were ever put in a match with a vulture, expect to come out with some serious scratches and deep puncture wounds. These birds have sharp, hooked beaks that are perfect for ripping flesh. If enough vultures attacked you, you can expect to have some of your skin gone.

8. Rhea


Though flightless and not common in the U.S., these birds are extremely strong and are very ostrich-like. You will generally find them in South America. These birds can grow to be up to 60-80lbs. While nowhere near as big as an ostrich, these birds are known for their powerful legs and feet. Their legs are heavily muscled and each foot has an extremely hard spur to accompany it. It is said that if a rhea were to ever kick a human, it would be able to exert around 800 pounds of force per square inch. I’d say that’s enough to break a few bones!

7. Owl

One type of owl that is known to attack prey its own size is the great horned owl. This owl is common in North America and has a wing span of five feet and can weigh more than five lbs. The owl, known for its sharp long talons, can do serious harm to a human, especially if you approach one during mating season or if you get too close to an owl’s nest. These birds will surely leave painful scratches. Owls will have you “hoo hooing” all the way home.

6. Falcon

With razor sharp talons and beaks, a falcon was mastered to do damage to its prey. Because of the way that a falcon’s beak is shaped, it can cut through the spinal cord of its prey. While it might be hard for just one falcon to rip through a human spinal cord, I’m sure if enough of them attacked someone, that person could be in for some serious trouble. If a falcon were to attack you, you’d be left with a bullet-like puncture wound.

5. Hawk

Similar to falcons, hawks are birds of prey and will swoop down to get what they want. There are eye-witness accounts of hawks attempting to attack puppies. Hawks can grip and carry other animals that weigh up to 4lbs. With extremely sharp talons, a hawk attacking a human would surely leave some blood.

4. Eagle


Eagles are just intimidating birds to look at! While eagles aren’t prone to attack humans, they have the capability of attacking and killing a small bear cub, a small dog, and even a decent sized mountain goat. Though eagles don’t usually attack people, they have attacked small children in the past. In May 2008, an eagle attacked a young boy and mangled his body. He had scratches and cuts from the birds sharp claws along his neck, back, and head. Eagles can leave you with a 2-inch gash in your skin. Stay away from eagles nests!

3. Condor

If you’ve ever been to the zoo, you have probably seen a condor. The Andean Condor is the world’s largest bird. It has a wing span of over 10 feet and weighs over 40lbs. This bird’s statistics definitely match the damage it can do. If you were to ever be attacked by a condor, you’d be left with serious scratches as well as deep puncture wounds. In August 1999, a 3 year old girl was attacked by a condor at the Columbus Ohio Zoo. The bird knocked her over and left her with many injuries, mostly puncture wounds.

2. Cassowaries

This video is reminiscent of the T-rex chasing the jeep in Jurassic Park, kind of.

You can find these birds in Australia as well as in New Guinea. While these birds look like a cross between an ostrich and a turkey, they are extremely beautiful to look at. However, if you ever corner a cassowary or get too close to it, be ready for an attack. These birds are very aggressive and very unpredictable. If a cassowary were to kick you, you’d definitely have some broken bones. If its dagger-sharp claws get a hold of you, be ready for some serious scratches and wounds.

1. Ostrich

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i7QGu4UkGKo

Shop Related Products

While ostriches may seem like nothing but tall, big birds to you, they are actually capable of doing some serious damage to a human. Ostriches can run up to 45 mph and can be as big as 9 feet and 350lbs. Try running away from an ostrich, I bet you won’t win. As if speed isn’t enough, an ostrich has a claw on each foot. If you were to ever be kicked by in ostrich in the back, it could: 1. Break your spine, 2. Slice you right open, or 3. Do both. While ostriches don’t look the most frightening, I wouldn’t push my luck getting close to them.


Share.

20 Comments

  1. Seagulls aren’t really that hard to beat in a fight. All you have to do is blast the song “I ran,” by Flock of Seagulls and it signals them to run away (fly away).

    • Cassowary is #1. Not sold on the other 9 outside of an upset ostrich.. Owl? Fine. Snowy owl? Really? Try the Great Horned Owl.

  2. I’m really surprised mockingbirds didn’t make the list.

    Living in Dallas, I’ve been attacked numerous times by the little bastards during mating and nesting season. I have to avoid a park behind my house because of it! The worst part is it’s illegal to cause harm to them in Texas because it’s our state bird. 🙁

  3. St louis attractions on

    Looking at the Philippine eagle in photo 6 make you wonder just whatâ??s going on inside its head.

  4. This is an interesting list. Going on a different tangent somewhat, not all birds that can be considered menacing or downright irritating are birds of prey.

  5. RollonGroundLaughing on

    hahahaha…wtf? the only birds on this list that could do real damage are the ostrich & rhea. even the feeblest, geriatric, old granny could get out of her sick bed to fend off a seagull. and what’s that you say about hawks? they can grip and carry animals up to 4lbs in weight? hahaha. whaaat? really? FOUR WHOLE POUNDS??? scaaaary. and owls can weigh up to 5lbs and have prickly toes. whoooah, i’ll never go outside at night again, hahahahahahaha. as for cassowaries; they’re cute but c’mon… if one attacked you it’d be out cold in 2 kicks!……. birds (shakes head & rolls eyes)

  6. Good list. However you forgot the swan. Granted, almost any bird can do you damage if it is determined enough, but most people consider the swan a graceful and delicate animal, and discount the damage that it can really do.

  7. Be very,very carful with cassowaries they can kill a person with those claws and what about the KIWI these birds have realy sharp claws on their feet and they,ll lay on their backs and slash when their cornred

  8. Seagull anyone who has ever seen Hitchcocks classic movie THE BIRDS knows what gulls can do to your hands

  9. Amusing, yes. True, not quite. If by dangerous to humans you mean dangerous to small children, sure. There’s not a single bird that could injure me in a fight or any other capable human for that matter. Even Ostriches, you could just wrestle it to the ground and break its neck with ease. Unless the bird has the element of surprise on its side, I personally wouldn’t worry about any single bird on this list. If pterodactyls were birds, then that would be the only one that could be considered dangerous, at least to capable people.

  10. Spurwing Plover on

    The seagulls kinds of reminds you of Alfred Hitchcosks classic movie THE BIRDS and beware of the cassowary they can kill a person i understand

  11. The Spurwing Plover or Masked Lapwing will divebomb or attck anytone who comes too close to its nest the Capercalli from europe with attack anything that it encounters especialy the males during the mating season

Leave A Reply