There have been a lot of great books throughout the ages. They entertain us, teach us, and act as an outlet for us to face and address the great questions in life. We often are able to find answers and understanding in literature that can’t be garnered elsewhere. Sometimes, though, the questions we ask only lead to more questions, like the questions asked on these books below.
10. The English: Are They Human? By Gustaaf Renier
The writer of this book likely had special insight, as he lived in England when he wrote it. And was a professor at University College London. Despite his question, he does seem to have an overall positive view of the English, calling them “ pragmatic… and reliable.” However, his views about the Irish are a bit different. He calls them “bloodthirsty and unreliable.” We didn’t read on after that, because we are not racists.
9. Are You Hungry Tonight?
It turns out there are several Elvis cookbooks out there. This is just one of them. It makes sense. Who better to advise people on how to eat than a rock and roll star? You gotta eat to perform. Apparently a lot. A 1996 BBC documentary claims that Elvis consumed 100,000 calories in a single day . While we aren’t sure about that figure, he was a fan of the “fool’s gold” sandwich, a monster of a meal that consisted of a hollowed out loaf of bread with an entire jar of peanut butter, an entire jar of jelly, and a pound of bacon. A pound!
8. What Kinda Cactus Izzat? By Reg Manning
This book takes place in a world were cacti are living, breathing creatures. They are part of the magnificent diversity that is the ecosystem. Well, not only are cacti sentient, they’re assholes as well apparently. The daddy cactus is literally crying for joy because of his (we’re assuming ) son’s terrible meanness. Also, we find it pretty weird that a man in intense pain cares about what kind of cactus just violated him. We don’t think that would be his most important question. If a man attacks us, you won’t find us asking ” what’s his blood type!” It just isn’t relevant to present events.
7. What Bird Did That? By Peter Hansard and Burton Silver
The most useful book so far on the list. The book includes a very extensive guide to different species of bird excrement. We imagine documenting this took a lot of time and effort by many different researchers.
Because of their hard work, now you can find out what kind of bird assaulted your windshield by examining its turds… and then you can take your revenge.
There is also a more general version of this book, in case something other than a bird poops on your windshield.
6. How Green Were The Nazis? By Franz-Josef Brüggemeier, Mark Cioc and Thomas Zeller
We suppose even the Nazis got a few things right . They were the first to have an anti-tobacco campaign and they gave us the Volkswagen. Maybe they were all just the angriest hippies on the planet? Nevertheless, this seems like a pretty weird book to be put on a list of Christmas book gift ideas. Which is exactly where we found it. Perhaps we found the answer to the question “what do you get for the man who has everything?”
5. Why Does That Man Have Such A Big Noise? By Mary Beth Quinsey
After reading the description for this, we discovered that it is a pretty normal book meant to teach kids tolerance for people who are different. The title’s a pretty weird way to show this, but whatever. However, what is pretty interesting is the suggestion made by Amazon below it. Apparently, customers who viewed this book also viewed this item.
We’re assuming that parents bought this for their kids so they remember that a big nose isn’t a bad thing every time they take a shower. However, they should make sure to tell the kids to not try to get shampoo out of a human nose.
4. If God Loves Me, Why Can’t I Get My Locker Open? By Lorraine Peterson
Oh, we here at TopTenz understand. It’s hard to believe that a loving God would allow your life to be so challenging. We get it. Our microwave broke down the other day. We almost gave up on life, but then we realized it was just unplugged. Perhaps the best part of this book is the first Amazon review we read. In said review, a young student claimed the book had been no help, as it had “no advice for opening lockers.” Well, darn!
3. Whose Bottom Is This?
This seems like a very odd way to teach children about animals. We worry about kids only being able to tell animals apart from the behind. And then they will apply that technique to humans and well, we don’t need to explain how that ends up. But the weirdest thing is that there is more than one series with this premise. Here’s a tiger! And a blue elephant!
2. Was Karl Marx a Satanist? By Richard Wumbrand
A quick bit of research points towards a conclusion of no. The guy who wrote it was almost certainly a crackpot. But we do have it on good authority that that Jesus guy was a commie. The image of Marx here makes him look less like a Satanist, and more like he is Santa incarnate. We think that is a much more likely theory.
1. What’s Going on Down There?: Answers to Questions Boys Find Hard to Ask. By Karen Gravelle and Nick Castro
There are a lot of weird books by sex “experts” out there about puberty. If some kids ask us to explain to them “what’s going on down there?“, we are removing ourselves from that situation immediately. Or we could pull the classic move and tell them to “go ask your mother.” This has got to be the creepiest way someone could inquire about what happens when you hit your growth spurt. And we can only assume the answer is phrased just as strangely.