Vanity plates are a lot like Twitter.  You’ve got a limited amount of space with which you must communicate a wide swath of your personality to all the people around you.  They can be in-jokes, subtle clues to your political opinions…or show just what a twit you are, or how clueless you happen to be.  Here are the ten worst we could find…for now.

10.  CLASSSY

Yeah, a white Acura with an American flag background, AND an intentional typo.  This image really has it all.  We especially love the token show of patriotism attached to a Japanese car, although to be fair, you can’t buy an Acura in Japan, so it IS kind of an American car.  Still, this kind of reminds us of the old dating rule: a person who calls themselves “classy” isn’t.

Suggested Honest Plate:

9.  MOVEEET

Here’s what we don’t get.  This license plate is obviously supposed to invoke speed.  But it’s on the back of the car.  So, the only people who will read it will not be the slowpokes in front of this jerkass with a Beemer, who obviously has something to do that’s far more important than what the rest of the people on the road, but the people behind him, who are currently cursing him out for making them late.

Suggested Honest Plate:

8.  YX35 Y3H

You might be wondering why this seemingly random assortment of letters and numbers made it on there.  Your answer can be found by typing it in reverse: H3Y 53XY.  Yes, somebody wanted to flirt.  With their license plate.  But apparently they weren’t able to actually do this, so instead they settled for putting it in mirror writing on their license plate,  to flirt with…people backing up in the parking lot, we guess.

Suggested Honest Plate:

7.  FLAMER

Yeah.  We know what you think you’re saying with that license plate.  But that’s not what you’re actually saying, with that license plate.  Especially since that flame paint-job, which really must have cost you a fortune, looks like somebody painted roses all over your car and then photoshopped them into “fiery colors.

So maybe you are sending the message you want…

Suggested Honest Plate:

6.  GAZGZLR

Hey, you know what’s awesome?  Wasting your money and destroying the environment while doing it, solely to show to people who don’t care how awesomely rich you are, that you can engage in such conspicuous consumption.  But how to make it just that much more obnoxious?  How to make it absolutely clear that this waste is sheer gloating over waste?

Wait…I’ve got an idea!

Suggested Honest Plate:

5.  B1GPKG

OK, Mini Cooper owner, let’s sit down.  We need to explain something to you.  You see, the joke about people with big cars having small tallywhackers is just that, a joke.  There is no correlation between owning a tiny wangdangdoodle and owning a large car.  And as a result, there is no inverse, which you obviously believe.  Women will not believe that you have an enormous crankshaft just because you own a tiny car.  Especially with that license plate.

Suggested Honest Plate:

4.  DIVAJAG

There’s only one thing more obnoxious than gloating about your wealth and success by paying a $50 fee to have your vehicle registered with some stupid rebus on the back, and that’s getting your excessively rich husband to buy you a car just so he can pay a $50 fee to have your vehicle registered with some stupid rebus on the back.  Yeah, we’re so glad that you feel the need to gloat about being useless.  Congratulations.

Suggested Honest Plate:

3.  GR8D8B8

If you think about it, designing a sports car for mass consumption is a really thankless job.  Sure, a lot of people buy their cars and enjoy them as they’re meant to be enjoyed.  Sports cars bring unironic happy moments to millions, especially if they’re near a scenic coast line or a closed racing course.

But then you’ve got guys like this, guys who manage to take everything great about sports cars and ruin it with license plates that show what misogynist jerks they are.  Suuuuuuuuuure, you’ve been near a woman.  Just keep telling yourself that, GR8D8B8 guy, and maybe someday, it’ll come true!

Suggested Honest Plate:

2.  KAMLTOW

There are many mysteries in life.  Like why when you’re working out, somebody always has to sit on that one machine you need to finish your circuit.  Or why toast always lands buttered-side-down.  Or why people buy vanity license plates that say unflattering things about them.

While we can’t really explain what a “kamltow” is on this site (it is, after all, a family website), it doesn’t actually imply anything nice about the driver.  Unless you’ve got an odd affection for extremely tight pants.

Suggested Honest Plate:

1.  YUHATIN

Here’s why this one gets the number one spot: this dweeb in a Mercedes clearly assumes that everybody must be jealous of his success, because he’s driving a Mercedes, that he feels the need to take offense, as if everywhere he drives, people are scornful of his success.

Dude, we don’t know you from Adam.  Why would we have any reason to hate you?  Oh, right, because your plate tells us you’re a jerk!  We don’t even have to know you to find you offensive!  Congratulations!  Especially if you’re a white kid from the suburbs with delusions of Biggie, which you probably are.  Nobody’s hatin’ on you, white kid.  Nobody ever will.

Suggested Honest Plate:

by Dan Seitz

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