This top ten list is a bit racier than previous lists, but the subject matter, famous penises, doesn’t change the fact that there is a rating system. If you are sensitive to such things read our list of top ten hats. So how does one get a penis listed as most famous of all time? Well, it should be or have been a point of discussion, culturally relevant and probably bigger than the average penis. Of course it helps if thousands or millions of people have seen it. Of course being small and yellow wouldn’t hurt either (see no. 8).
10. Milton Berle
Emmy-winning comedian and actor, possible owner of a comically large penis
Milton Berle was notorious within show business for the rumored extremely large size of his penis. Phil Silvers once told a story about standing next to Berle at a urinal, glancing down, and quipping, “You’d better feed that thing, or it’s liable to turn on you!” At a memorial service for Milton Berle at the New York Friars’ Club, Freddie Roman solemnly announced, “On May 1st and May 2nd, his penis will be buried.”
9. Little Donnie
Child with an extraordinary penis from a comedy skit
|Upright Citizens Brigade|
|Little Donny’s Penis|
Little Donny was a character in a comedy sketch from the comedic troupe, The Upright Citizen’s Brigade, starring Amy Pohler. In the skit Donny was said to be suffering from magnimus-obliviophallocytis which caused him to have a large penis at a young age. Through digital blurring, the tv show was able to give a vague, blurred outline of his member as it flopped around with a life of its own – hilarious and disturbing to watch. Quite similar to a car wreck that you just can’t look away from. Amy Poehler got her big break here.
8. Minister from Little Mermaid
Animated character performing wedding ceremony
During the wedding scene in The Little Mermaid it has been reported that the Minister is a little overexcited about the nuptials and you can see an erection under his robes. It has been dismissed as only being his knee. I can see both sides of the argument, but even so, it “stands up” as a penis of recognition.
8. Bart Simpson
10 year-old animated character
In probably the most unlikely nude scene since Kathy Bates in About Schmidt, Bart Simpson exposed his taliwacker in The Simpsons Movie. It was the first time such an exposure in a movie was not given an “R” rating. His yellow twig and berries made a brief but audacious appearance.
6. Dirk Diggler
Porn star from Boogie Nights fame
The movie Boogie Nights features Dirk Diggler a dimwitted high school dropout with a 13-inch penis who is recruited into the porn industry. While this movie focuses on Dirk’s life within the porn industry it waits strategically until the very end to show the “goods”. The famous scene in which Dirk Diggler reveals his huge, flaccid penis has drawn questions from the star Mark Wahlberg. Suffice to say, it is not his natural penis, but a prosthetic.
5. Joey Stivic Doll
Anatomically correct doll, the first
Joey Stivic is a fictional character who first appeared on All in the Family. Joey Stivic was the son and only child of Mike Stivic (played by Rob Reiner) and Gloria Bunker Stivic (played by Sally Struthers). The character first appeared, as a newborn baby, in a two-part episode of All in the Family airing in December 1975.
Such was the popularity of All in the Family that in 1976 the Ideal Toy Company released a 14-inch “Joey Stivic doll” (called “Archie Bunker’s Grandson”) which was billed as the “first anatomically correct male doll.” The doll inspired mild controversy at the time, and is a collectors’ item today.
4. Wilt Chamberlain
Wilt’s nickname, “Wilt the Stilt” was aptly given to the Hall of Fame basketball player. If there existed a Hall of Fame promiscuity he would have surely been inducted on his first try. Wilt traveled the globe while playing basketball which put him and his member in contact with thousands of women. In fact, the lifelong bachelor claimed he had sex with 20,000 women. For this to be true, he would have had to had sex with 1.14 women per day from the age of 15 up until the day of his death, a rate of almost eight women a week. I won’t even mention his basketballs.
3. John Holmes
John Holmes or Johnny Wadd (after the lead character in a series of related films), was one of the most famous male adult film stars of all time, appearing in about 2,500 adult movies in the 1970s and 1980s. He was best known for his exceptionally large penis, which was heavily promoted as being the longest in the porn industry. Although claims have been made that his penis was actually between 10 – 14 inches, his ex-wives both stated he measured 10 inches. While not the gargantuan 16 inches some reported, he reputation puts him solidly at #3 on this list.
Large stone statue
Considered one of the greatest, if not the greatest works of sculpture, Michelangelo’s David is regarded as a symbol both of strength and youthful human beauty, including a clear view of the figure’s penis.
There was controversy over the statue’s supposed Biblical reference, since the statue seemed to portray an uncircumcised male, whereas the historical King David was undoubtedly circumcised. It was also suggested that this was a conscious decision in Michelangelo’s effort to emulate the ancient Greek aesthetic ideal, which regarded the circumcised penis as mutilated.
While conservative groups have sought to categorize the statue’s brazenness with soft pornography the statue is still held as a great work of art, pubic hair and all.
1. John Wayne Bobbit
Less than stellar husband
John Wayne Bobbitt and Lorena Bobbitt made Mr. Bobbit’s penis the most famous penis on the planet in 1993 during an incident in which Lorena severed John’s penis with a kitchen knife.
John arrived home intoxicated and, according to testimony by Lorena, raped his wife. (Note: He was tried and acquitted for this alleged spousal rape in 1994) Afterward, Lorena went to the kitchen for a drink of water and saw a knife on the counter. She grabbed the knife and entered the bedroom where John was asleep; and she proceeded to cut off almost half of his penis.
After assaulting her husband, Lorena left the apartment, with the severed penis. After driving a short while, she rolled down the car window and threw it out into a field. Realizing the severity of the incident, she stopped and called 911. The penis was located, packed in ice, and brought to the hospital where the penis was re-attached by doctors during a nine and a half hour surgery.