Top 10 Dumbest Song Lyrics

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It must be very difficult to write a good song.  I’m not denying that.  I know it’s hard enough to write an essay, and that doesn’t even have to rhyme.  However there are certain instances where I feel the songwriter isn’t even trying.  As though they had an hour to put the song together, took a gander at the screaming girls sitting outside TRL and said “ef it” just write whatever rhymes with ‘girl, I love you.’  And then laughed all the way to the bank.  The following ten are the most blatant offenses I can find in my mental song library.  Some songs by artists I usually respect; some not so much.  Though, I do feel inclined to admit most are on my iPod.

10. So Yesterday (Hilary Duff)

Some things are brilliant in their simplicity.  Some things are just simple.  Hilary’s break up tune is just simple.  Lyrics like:

“But I’m gonna keep your jeans.

And your old black hat – cause I wanna.

They look good on me.

You’re never gonna get them back

At least not today, not today, not today”

My, my how empowering.  What stellar advice to women everywhere.  If your boyfriend dumps you, just keep his jeans.  And if you and your boyfriend wear the same size jeans, maybe be happy you’re no longer together.  But my real favorite in this ditty is the next prophetic gem: “If the light is off then it isn’t on.” Waaaaiiiit, if the light is off then it isn’t on? Eureka!  I’ve been arguing with my electric providers about how to define ‘off’ for years now! Full lyrics at azlyrics.com.

9. As Long As You Love Me (Backstreet Boys)

This song is insulting.  It’s like they were singing at a third grade reading level.  I’m referring to lines like: “… although loneliness has always been a friend of mine, I’m leaving my life in your hands.”  Who are you singing to?  Your doctor? Who has your life in their hands?  “People say I’m crazy and that I am blind. Risking it all in a glance.” Well boys, if you’re blind… risking anything in a glance probably is a little bit crazy.  The chorus really is where they take it home: “I don’t care who you are, where you’re from, what you did As long as you love me…” Sounds a little desperate.  Have you no standards?

You tell me later: “…it doesn’t really matter if you’re on the run.”  Call me old fashioned, but if a guy tells me he’s on the run I become concerned.  I’m not saying it’s a deal breaker for sure, but I think we should at least have a conversation about it.  Also how many people are the Backstreet Boys coming in contact with that are on the run?  I for one have never met someone on the run, and I think they mostly met 14 year old girls. Begs the question, from where did the inspiration for this song come? Not from the heart I think, not from the heart indeed. Full lyrics at azlyrics.com.

8. If I Was Invisible (Clay Aiken)

These lyrics are stupid for many reasons. For one, why would you admit to anyone that if you were invisible you’d watch them in their room?  No one wants to hear that.  I don’t even like my dog in my room while I change.

If I was invisible, I would be the smartest man.”  Clay, either you’re already the smartest man or you aren’t… as far as I know invisibility doesn’t change your IQ.  Otherwise when everyone answered the “If you could have any superpower in the world what would it be?” question, more people would say “invisible”.  Duh.

Wish you could touch me with the colors of your life.” You can’t just make total nonsense poetry by adding words like color and touch.  Finally I think you need to face facts, when you tell me “even when I scream out, baby you don’t hear me.” I become concerned, why are you being so aggressive, there’s no need to scream.  This girl clearly isn’t interested in you and she doesn’t want to hear all the creepy things you’d do with invisibility.  Full lyrics at azlyrics.com.

7. 4 Minutes to Save the World (Madonna, featuring Justin Timberlake and Timbaland)

Here’s what I gather from these lyrics: Madonna, Justin Timberlake and Timbaland have apparently been commissioned to save the world.  They have 4 minutes to do so.  Now here’s where it gets tricky:

“Time is waiting

We only got 4 minutes to save the world

No hesitating

Grab a boy, grab a girl.”

I, the listener, am left unclear on how they are saving the world.  Is it with their gift for song? Or are they recommending to us procreation as a vehicle for world redemption?  They do after all tell us to grab a boy or a girl.  Either way, this song’s delusion of grandeur is off-putting.  The lyrics don’t get any better as we look outside the chorus.  At one point, there is a conversation between Justin and Madonna.  Madonna says to Justin, “Sometimes I think what I need is a you intervention, yeah,” to which the listener says, “Pardon?” Yet Justin responds with an incomprehensible, “And you know I can tell that you like it, and that it’s good, by the way that you move, ooh, hey.” Madonna answers Justin with a totally inappropriately placed proverb: “The road to hell is paved with good intentions, yeah.”  At which the listener gives up on these lyrics. Full lyrics at metrolyrics.com.

6. Dolla [P.Diddy] (Kesha)

This is the first single I’ve ever heard from Kesha and I can’t really imagine where she’ll go from here.  To be honest I couldn’t really imagine where she was going to go from the first line of this song. “Wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy.” How?  I have nothing else to say to that, except, how do you feel like P. Diddy?  Because I don’t understand.  She goes on to tell us that she brushes her teeth with a bottle of Jack and she explains that this is because when she leaves for the night she’s not coming back.  I have to take issue with this.  You can’t defend to me a desire to brush your teeth with whiskey.  In fact, I think if your goal is to find someone to spend the night with your chances must decrease by quite a bit if your teeth are brown and your breath stinks like a day old Jack and Coke.  Just don’t brush them at all.

Kesha has questionable judgment.  She later tells us she kicks men to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger.  I begin to wonder if Kesha has recently seen Mick Jagger.  Maybe he was attractive 30 years ago, but now he kind of looks like a caricature, or something that got stuck in a drain.  Kesha, you currently have no credibility with me. Full lyrics at metrolyrics.com.

5. Girlfriend (Avril Lavigne)


I hate this song not only because the lyrics are so dumb, but also because as I sit here writing this I have begun to sing it to myself, and I don’t know when that will stop.  Infectious in the way a virus is; this song has very little redeeming it.  Firstly, Avril is coveting a man we understand to be committed to someone else.  And secondly, it sounds like chanting that you’d hear at an elementary school playground.  “Hey, Hey, You, You, I don’t like your girlfriend. No way, No way, I think you need a new one.”  This is the musical equivalent to ‘I know you are but what am I.’ Throughout the tune, Avril gives us some key pieces of information: this man is interested in her in spite of having a girlfriend and Avril doesn’t like this girlfriend because allegedly she is stupid (you’ve heard the one about the pot and the kettle, Avril?). Avril tells this man about his girlfriend: “She’s like so whatever, and you can do so much better.”  She also tells him “Hell, yea, I’m the mother f***ing princess.”  Which is a head scratcher because I didn’t know there was a country known as MotherF***er, is it a commonwealth, part of the United Kingdom maybe?  Is it a sovereignty where these lyrics aren’t terrible?

4. MmmBop (Hanson)

You had to know this was coming.  These can barely be called lyrics.  Half of the lines of this song are dimly lit attempts at existentialism while the other half are not comprised of actual words.  We learn about relationships being able to disappear in an mmmbop, which I assume is some measure of time, comparable to a minute.  Then Hanson says:

“In an mmm bop they’re not there.

Until you lose your hair.

No, But you don’t care.”

Which I can’t understand.  Apparently mmm bopping has quite a bit to do with hair loss because they mention it several times.  They’re also mystified by things that perhaps shouldn’t be so difficult to grasp, for instance:

“Plant a seed, plant a flower, plant a rose

You can plant any one of those

Keep planting to find out which one grows

It’s a secret no one knows

It’s a secret no one knows

No one knows”

Hanson, let’s be clear, this is not a secret no one knows.  If you simply mark in where you planted a seed, you shouldn’t have any trouble predicting what will grow.  A truer example of a secret that no one knows is how this song ever got airtime. Full lyrics at sing365.com.

3. Love Story (Taylor Swift)

I think the world has seen the type of wrath that can be incurred if one upsets Taylor Swift (thanks to Kanye) so I will include a disclaimer.  I love Taylor Swift, I think she’s great.  However we can not all just close our eyes and pretend that these lyrics don’t contain some fundamental problems.  Taylor seems to have misunderstood two crucial pieces of literature: Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare and The Scarlet Letter by Nathanial Hawthorne.  For instance:

“Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone,

I’ll be waiting all there’s left to do is run.

You’ll be the prince and I’ll be the princess,

It’s a love story baby just say yes.”

Taylor, Romeo and Juliet both kill themselves because they can’t be together.  It’s heavy stuff.  All that’s left to do is not run.  They don’t “just say yes” (unless you’re referring to saying yes to suicide and this song is much darker than I thought). You can’t talk about the famous ill-fated lovers and discount their ill-fated-ness; it just leaves too many doors open.

Another issue, you tell us “…’cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter” which again really doesn’t work.  You can’t be a scarlet letter; you wear a scarlet letter and you wear it for being an adulteress.  Without some impressive metaphor, you can’t really work this so it means anything else, especially since at this point I’m not convinced that you’ve read either of these books.  Next time maybe consult with your local high school English teacher and use more accurate (and less morbid) literary references.  Full lyrics at metrolyrics.com.

2. My Humps (Black Eyed Peas)

There are many songs dedicated to the female form.  And they’re generally all stupid.  To rank which is stupider than which isn’t really fair, so suffice it to say the song My Humps is more than just number two on this list, it is a representative of an entire genre.  It is the representative on my list, mainly because at one point Fergie says “my humps” ten times in a row.  You win.  My humps is a stupid enough thing to say once, and it would be stupid even to just slip into a verse, but to make it the title and the focal point of the song, well that just elevates this to a different level.

Throughout the song Fergie explains all of the goodies she gets from having |”lovely lady lumps.” These lumps, she explains, are “in the back and in the front”.  Methinks I know which lumps she’s referring to. Due to these “lumps” and “humps” Fergie tells us she gets “…ices, Dolce and Gabanna, Fendi and then Donna.”  She also is given “Seven jeans and True Religions” and, never the mooch, she tells us that “I say no but they keep givin’…”  Apparently if you have humps like Fergie’s you can acquire a great amount of material goods.  What a wonderful celebration of the female anatomy.  I didn’t read The Feminine Mystique, but I imagine some of these lyrics were taken right from the pages of that book.  Maybe I’ll ask Taylor Swift… Full lyrics at azlyrics.com.

1. Girl You Know it’s True (Milli Vanilli)

The number one song on this list is also a bit older than the others.  But it’s also far and away the stupidest assortment of lyrics I have ever heard.  I know that everyone was mad at Milli and Vanilli for lip-synching.  I vaguely remember that from my childhood, or perhaps from a recap of the event as seen on Behind the Music. But how could anyone have cared that they were lip-synching when they heard what it was that they were saying? I know their fans felt duped, but shame on anyone for taking them seriously enough, ever, for lip synching to matter.  The first line of the song is, “I’m in love with you girl cause you’re on my mind.”  Is that how you know you’re in love, because earlier today after I read an article on the Bush Administration, Dick Cheney was on my mind and now I’m thinking about sandwiches.  So I think we need some more concrete reasons.  They tell this girl, “Your soft, succulent so sweet and thin, that’s kind of like a vision upon your skin” and I make a confused face.

You contain a quality that I admire. You’re pretty plain and simple…” Firstly, gee, I wonder why they admire things that are plain and simple. Secondly, who puts that into a love song? That’s not even a nice thing to say.  That’s like saying your favorite color is eggshell. Some of these lines defy explanation: “Come with your positive emotion, love, making enjoyin’ …that’s for me to bust it’s like a girl and a boy.

Together we’re one separated we are two.” To which I must simply say, congratulations Milli Vanilli, on this list you are one.  Full lyrics at lyricsdownload.com.

by Elaine Rooney


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98 Comments

  1. Dude- I don’t know what’s sillier… the lyrics you desribe or the fact you wasted a few hours of your life compiling this list. What do you expect from a bunch of half-witted, scatterbrained pop urchins? OF COURSE they write incredibly stupid songs. Nit-picking their grammar and mental images is like writing a serious review of Justin Bieber’s new book.; in other words, a complete waste of time and space.

  2. I don’t think the Hilary Duff lyrics are bad. “If the light is off then it isn’t on” is saying that the guy doesn’t see something obvious. It’s supposed to be something obvious like that. She’s already over him and he doesn’t see that. And I don’t think that verse that’s there is bad. It’s just kind of a funny poke at him that he’s not getting his stuff back.

  3. I like Girlfriend from Avril Lavine personally, and I like the music of 4 minutes as well.

    And you should put there I can walk on water, I can fly from Basshunter next time…

    “I will never be afraid again,
    I will keep on fighting till the end
    I can walk on water I can fly
    I will keep on fighting till I die”
    this is repeated like 3 times throughout the song and other is just “la la la la la la”….

    It’s nice song, tbh.

  4. Funniest commentary of any list I have read here, Thanks. Your dead on the songs that I have heard and I don’t plan on listening to the others

  5. Haha! So funny. Can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard while reading some post in the internet.
    I have to agree with ‘Girlfriend’. Jesus, what the hell is Avril thinking?
    Also, I think all Taylor Swift song lyrics are dumb. (Melody is quite catchy but that’s it). I always go UGH whenever I hear the lines “She wears high heels I wear sneakersl she’s cheer captain and…” . Ugh.

    Another thing, my kid sister used to listen to this song about a Barbie doll. (with an annoying girl voice and some dude who wants to “party”, if I remember right) Anyway, whatever that song is, it’s still the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. (even if it’s. like, a decade ago or so)

  6. I agree with most of your list, but I do not know how you could omit “Hero” by Enrique Iglesias. That has to be one of the very dumbest songs I have ever heard! Throughout the verses, the lyrics suggest that it is the other person who is the hero–his hero (“Would you save my soul tonight?” OR “Would you die for the one you love?”). Then comes the refrain, and he says “I can be your hero, baby…” when it would make a whole lot more sense if he says “You can be my hero, baby…”

  7. Jonathan Michael Reiter on

    I listened to some of Black Eyed Peas, and I may never listen to them again…
    God, they’re terrible…
    About the only thing they did that was listenable, was the Superbowl 45 halftime show and that wasn’t even that good to begin with…

  8. One song line that really annoyed me was, I text a postcard, sent to you, from Last Night On Earth by Green Day, while the song itself is actually really sweet, I never got that line.

  9. Without going into detail (looking at you, Avril) some of the stupidest songs are actually plagiarized. That’s right, not only did somebody write incredibly stupid lyrics, someone else admired them enough to steal them!

  10. what about Snap! – Rhythm is a Dancer – “I’m as serious as cancer when I say that rhythm is a dancer”. I thought that one was pretty bad myself.

  11. You are a genius. Everything you say is totally true and I’ve been saying it repeatedly for the last I don’t know how long. Thank you very much for your voice of glorious reason amongst this new world of songs that sell rather than tell (If you get my drift). Ahaha reading that back you wouldn’t guess I’m a teenager. Geez I sound like a senile Granny complaining about youth.

  12. This had the potential to be funny but the writer is like a feminist or something. Also you forgot Lil’ Wayne.

  13. eightsixeightseven on

    Some lyrics do come across as senseless and barmy, but to others are brilliant and insightful.

    “I am he as you are he
    as you are me and we
    are all together.
    See how they run,
    like pigs from a gun,
    see how they fly.
    I’m crying.”

    – “I Am The Walrus” – the Beatles.

  14. Lmao miss elaine rooney this is the best list ive found thus far.hilarious and so true.mmmbop, as long as u love me, girlfriend and my humps all belong here.tho i would rate mmbop number 1.this is some awful music and u hit the nail on the head miss rooney.great list

  15. I am so underwhelmed with this list I had to register.
    I doubt these songs would make the top 100 of dumb song lyrics.
    I haven’t heard some of them but the lyrics listed are average…

  16. Steve Miller is awful. That guy couldn’t write a decent lyric at gunpoint. I grind my teeth listening to his crap. He must spend about ten seconds writing lyrics to his songs.

    Abra-cadabra. I want to reach out and grab ya

    Billy Mack is a detective down in Texas
    You know he knows just exactly what the facts is
    He ain’t gonna let those two escape justice
    He makes his livin’ off of the people’s taxes

    Lovey dovey, lovey dovey, lovey dovey all the time
    Ooh wee baby, I sure show you a good time

  17. Nonsense lyrics? There was a Eurovision runner up in an imaginary language! (Sanomi, Belgium 2003, which was runner up to Turkey after leading Going into the final round of votes) As well as this mysticsl folk ballad, Most of the novelty songs in the compettion generally have had nonesense lyrics anyway. Aside from the lyrics of songs from my no 1 continental guilty pleasure like, the lyrics of Friday (Rebecca Black), Blue (Eiffel 65) and My Humps (Black Eyed Peas), are incredibly funny as well. Disliked MMMBop since it cost Janet Devlin in the X Factor. She was my fave, along with Misha, although Little mix (and Amelia) would win me over too.

  18. I am absolutely IN LOVE with this list! I couldn’t stop laughing from hilary duff to milli vanilli, the author is so hilarious. To be honest, I love all the songs in her list. I think at least 7 out of the 10 songs she mentioned had been in my playlist, either on shuffle or repeat, for months and months on end. I’m also a fiercely loyal Hanson-fan but I totally cracked up so much when she said “If you simply mark in where you planted a seed, you shouldn’t have any trouble predicting what will grow” that I completely forgive how she mentioned she doesn’t know how that song got airtime.

    So many killer lines here, like (Re: 4 Minutes) At which the listener gives up on these lyrics. LOL I love that song to pieces but seriously I can’t actually figure out what it’s saying either.

    I am a complete sucker for lyrics, to the point where I can get all angsty and quote beautiful lyrics as a status or tweet or stuff, so I sincerely appreciate a song with beautiful lyrics when I come across one, so yeah, thumbs up for this list. Again, it’s ironic that most of these songs are my faves, but still, I really love her sarcastic, yet analytic and absolutely hilarious way of reviewing lyrics.

    Btw, I applaud TofuCurry for mentioning several legendary songs including those by REM and Nirvana and show that sometimes it’s not the lyrics that matter. Mosquito and Libido is completely beyond understanding, but I dare anyone to disregard Losing My Religion and Smells Like Teen Spirit just because of the lyrics!

    Anyway, I love love love this list! I had such a good laugh and I hope the others who give comments can see the lighter side of it all.

  19. This is nice list, but its in major need of an update. Many much more stupid songs have arisen since this was posted, examples including Rebecca Black’s Friday and “Boyfriend” by Justin Beiber

  20. Honestly no Life by Des’ree?

    Yeah, it’s catchy but…

    I’m afraid of the dark,
    ‘specially when I’m in a park
    And there’s no-one else around,

    Ooh, I get the shivers
    I don’t want to see a ghost,
    It’s a sight that I fear most
    I’d rather have a piece of toast
    And watch the evening news

    I’m a superstitious girl,
    I’m the worst in the world
    Never walk under ladders,
    I keep a rabbit’s tail

    I’ll take you up on a dare,
    Anytime, anywhere
    Name the place, I’ll be there,
    Bungee jumping, I don’t care!

    Do I need to say more?

  21. I DISAGREE WITH Milli Vanilli SONG being voted as the stupidest. That is far too intelligent to what I am gonna say next.

    Definitely the most TRULY ****** UP lyrics, a total gibberish, the creme of the crap, randomly chosen words from a daily newspaper and commercial leaflets from the parking lot, mixed up the yellow pages and wrongly spelled words from a Chinese dictionary belongs to:

    Wang Chung and the song ‘Dance Hall Days’.

    Already the band name Wang Chung is messed up on its own, because the band claimed it meant in Chinese “THE YELLOW BELL”. Well, the problem with that is, that in Chinese that’s pronounced HUANG ZHONG, or even better (adding ‘SE’ as the color) it comes out: HUANG-SE ZHONG, and definitely not ‘wang chung’.

    What sort of ‘stuff’ they’ve been smoking when selecting their band name, we will never know.

    From their RANDOM LYRICS GENERATOR here is the text:

    Take your baby by the hand and make her do a high hand stand
    And take your baby by the heel and do the next thing that you feel.
    We were so in phase in our dance hall days
    We were cool on craze.
    When I, You and everyone we knew could believe.

    And take your baby by the ears and play upon her darkest fears.
    We were so in phase in our dance hall days. We were cool on craze. . . .
    Dance hall days, Dance hall days.
    Love. Take your baby by the wrist and in her mouth an amethyst.

    And in her eyes two saphires blue
    And you need her, And she needs you.
    And you need her, And she needs you.

    … continues with same gibberish repeating…

    Now, if that’s not “THE MEGA CRAP” we’ve been all looking for, I wonder what else could be ?

    BTW, I liked the song in terms of melody… I wished they would’ve fixed this crap of text at that time.

  22. How could you not even mention Finger11? Really, they wrote the book book on meaningless song lyrics, although I doubt that the book is of any value, either.

  23. MacArthur Park by Donna Summer needs to be on this list. “someone left a cake out in the rain, and I’ll never have that recipe again” Whaaaaa?

  24. are you a nerd or something or you didnt tried yet be like every time you woke up still drunk and your friends where like hey lets roll even if you havent take a bath yet and when you woke up drunk there are your frends giving you another drink till the end of the day.. you should try it its fun ^^

    and the way you comment on avrils lyrics so damn nerdy. >.< *chills*

  25. Well, i can give u much more dumber songs than this, how about ‘i’ll set fire to the rain’ its by adele and everyone i hear it I’m like how can she set fire to the rain? Then its wannabe by spice girls, in this if the guy loves that girl what are her friends in btw for?. Then its ‘ u remind me of cinnamon and lipstick’ by FM Static, he’s telling her she reminds him of non-living things?
    ‘i hate this song coz it was written for u’ its by, I don’t remember the name but i remember the lyrics bcoz if he hates this song why is he singing it.
    I have dumber ones than this(can’t write them all)

  26. I think that comments on all lists should be removed from now on people get too worked up about lists that are funny and that wether you agree with or not they are just for entertainment not life or death situations. i cant believe how many people visit this site just to complain. smdh!

    • Jenne, believe me I have considered taking the comments down many, many times. But then I see a comment or two that makes me smile or laugh and think it over and decide to let it roll a little longer. And some times I learn something like, SMDH means “Shaking My Damn Head” 😉

  27. My favorite ‘stupid’ line is from Van Halen’s “Why Can’t This Be Love?” and it goes: Only time will tell if we’ll stand the test if time.