Why Superman’s Disguise is way Smarter Than you Think

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Superman is one of the worlds most famous and enduring Superheroes, and why wouldn’t he be? He’s got a body that looks like it’s been carved from titanium covered granite, a chin you could park a jet on and eyes so beautiful, staring into them is considered an effective cure for cancer. However, it’s for exactly this reason that has made Superman the butt of decades of jokes from people who don’t understand comics. How could this man, a man who is literally perfection personified, hide his identity with nothing more than a pair of glasses. Well, we’re sick of that joke so we wanted to explain how he does it. By slouching. Well that and a whole bunch of other stuff, but just for starters take a gander at this image.

DDJ
We’d still hit that.

As you can see from the image, just by assuming a constant slouch, Clark Kent is already like 3 inches shorter than Superman, the slouch also disguises the fact that Superman is easily capable of murdering three people with his chest by making him seem much less muscular than he actually is. Then you have the hairstyle which is not only parted differently, but is also styled specifically to obscure Superman’s ruggedly handsome, man face. Then there’s the glasses he wears, which despite being the piece of the disguise people most love to pick on the most, are actually one of the most ingenious additions, since they’re actually tinted to change the colour of Superman’s eyes. Then on top of all this, Superman is also known to alter both his voice and mannerisms when disguised, becoming notable more clumsy and confident. As a final push to disguise the sculpted piece of Viagra coated marble he calls a body, he then drapes himself in clothes that are far too big.

The only reason we think Superman’s disguise is stupid is because we know that Clark Kent is Superman. To everyone else, Clark Kent is a bumbling dumb-ass with a stupid hair-cut, glasses and clothes, the latter of which don’t even fit his sagging, defeated frame. If you knew a guy that matched that description and someone said, hey, maybe he’s actually the 6ft 2 alien with god-like powers that goes around punching bald guys half to death, you’d laugh your ass off. So hey, maybe we should lay off the glasses huh? They are in style now after all.

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  • KiraKorotome

    Or he could have unknown hypnotic powers, which subconsciously activate whenever he puts his glasses on. Feeding anyone who looks at him mental suggestions that he and his alter ego have no relation.

  • Asher J. Klassen

    I really hate to break it to you, but Superman’s dual identity has nothing to do with physical disguise. Yes, the glasses, ill-fitting clothes, and limp hair make him a nerd, though the term his creators, Jerry Siegel and Joe Schuster, used was “nebbish”. It’s a Yiddish word that embodies the socially awkward, physically stunted stereotype of the young Jewish man which both Siegel and Schuster fit to a tee. “Nebbish” is Clark Kent. Superman? He embodies the Goy, the white, American, Charles Atlas ideal of physical beauty. Superman embodies the cultural division that Jews in 20th c. America experienced every day.

    This is mythology. Look at the story of Odysseus’ escape from the cave of Polyphemus. Realistically, even a blind giant would figure out that a bunch of full-grown soldiers were hanging onto the undersides of his flock of sheep. That’s a dumber disguise than baggy clothes and a pair of glasses. But it worked, because this is mythology. You’re operating in the realm of the fantastical, the symbolic. If you try and take that world at face value you will never survive it.

  • William Wizer

    so… even with a body that has a massive musculature Clark wears clothes that are even larger than what they should be and nobody suspects anything?

    by the way slouching makes him a bit shorter but also gives the impression that he is broader (more muscular since it’s evident that Clark doesn’t has an ounce of fat)

    and no matter how good the glasses are tinted. they can’t hide the relative change of color between the eyes and the skin surrounding them. if the tint is enough to make any serious difference in color that will also become evident when comparing the exposed skin with the skin we see through the glasses revealing that something is fishy.

    the hairstyle? it barely makes any difference. I know by experience since I have changed mine drastically yet everybody is able to tell at first sight it’s me and no matter how much he can re-style his hair Superman can’t change the length of his hair as part of his disguise.