Top 10 Hilarious Scam Products

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The world is full of cons, scams and just plain crappy products.  Many of these products are designed to prey on the vulnerable and uneducated, touted by websites filled with fantastic claims and promises that don’t quite add up.  Some of these products, however, are so outlandish (and often hilarious) that perhaps the most unbelievable thing about them is that anybody is stupid enough to buy them in the first place.

10.  Premium Bottled Water

premium-water

The website “Fine Waters”, which presents itself as some kind of bizarre water-tasting authority, begins with the sentence “Water Is Not Water”, and somehow manages to go downhill from there.  For the obscenely wealthy with far too much time and far too little common sense, “gourmet” bottled water can be purchased from all sorts of exotic locations all around the world, from the glaciers of Iceland to rainwater from Tasmania, Australia.  You too can purchase the luxury item known as “water”, transported from ridiculously remote locations in unnecessarily extravagant packaging, for the very reasonable price of up to $40 a bottle, plus your basic human dignity.

Hey, at people aren’t paying for something as stupid as air, right?

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9.  Canned Oxygen

perri-air

Oh.

Never before has it been so easy to prove to the world just how easily parted from your money you really are. The “creators” claim that, by breathing in the oxygen, better sporting performance can be obtained thanks to the increase in alertness and overall virility granted by the unique formula of…well, oxygen.

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8.  Balance Bands

balance-band

$40 plastic wrist bands with inset holograms, which claim to improve your balance.  Along with your intelligence and mental clarity.  They also offer “improved healing”, a stronger immune system, better circulation and a sounder, quicker sleep.  Oh, and it promises to delay your aging. We couldn’t make this stuff up.

Just for the sake of our continuing sanity, we like to believe they were actually designed as brilliant and convenient visual aids, to help distinguish morons from the general population.

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7.  Crystal Music Healing

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This is specially-composed music, purportedly containing “encoded harmonic templates that activate and heal the deep and subtle levels of the human bio-energy matrix packaged in the form of beautiful classical music.”  We guess the lesson here is, if you throw enough scientific and technical jargon into a single sentence, somebody is bound to go ahead and buy the hell out of your product.  Even at $15 a CD.

Bonus scam-points for the following bold assertion: “Science has demonstrated that all matter is held together at the sub-atomic level by strings of energy. This is known as the ‘string theory’.  It is not a theory, however.  It is a universal truth.”  Move over quantum physicists, because the guys at Crystal Music Healing know this “theory” is the truth.  And they have magic crystal music to prove it.

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6.  Xtreme Fuel Treatment

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Fuel which “lowers ignition point of fuel by… about 400 degrees”.  Perfect for (hopefully) reinforcing the laws of natural selection: were this claim true, it would result in an ignition point of treated petrol at around room temperature (not desirable when you’re standing right next to it at room temperature, pouring dubious “fuel treatment” into your tank of combustible liquid).

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Editor’s Note: Believe it or not, after this top 10 list was published, the manufacturers of Xtreme Fuel Treatment wrote TopTenz to defend their product. In an effort to give fair time, here is their response to our commentary on their product.

Please note that the reference the author uses from Syntek Global’s website is regarding diesel fuel, not gasoline as the author mistakenly assumes.  Further, we would like to provide an explanation of the science behind our fuel additive, Xtreme Fuel Treatment, for those that may be interested.
 
By modifying the burn rate of an existing fuel, many ancillary improvements can and will manifest themselves as a result of unintended consequences.  For example, the active ingredient component contained in the XFT fuel catalyst is used as anti-knock agent, safer than tetraethyl lead, which was previously used as an anti-knock agent in lighter aromatic fuels (gasoline).  Scientific studies show that the active ingredient, in the XFT fuel catalyst, reduces combustion ignition delay, which in turn reduces engine combustion temperature and knock in lower octane/cetane higher BTU fuels.  Further, by reducing ignition delay, soot production, high delay reactant combustion temperatures and harmful emissions levels are significantly reduced with a corresponding increase in engine and fuel usage performance. Finally, as a burn rate modifier, the XFT fuel catalyst helps to remove existing carbon formation on internal and ancillary combustion related components, which in turn helps to further improve engine and related fuel consumption performance.

5.  HD Vision Wrap-Around Sunglasses

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This is the perfect product for when reality just isn’t realistic enough.  These sunglasses supposedly offer up better clarity and color in your everyday life, just like an HD TV.  To be specific, they promise to “make the world come alive in brilliant, defined colour like never before!  Crystal clear images so rich and vivid, you won’t believe your eyes!”

Wait one second, a product which “enhances colours” and makes us question what we see with our very eyes? This whole pitch is starting to sound suspiciously like a drug deal.  We think we’ll just wait for the Blu-ray glasses.

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4.  BioDisc

BioDisc

Introducing the BioDisc, a glass disk which, at $560, had better produce some astonishing claims.  Don’t worry though, it delivers: this device supposedly generates a “catalytic conversion of energy” which extends shelf life of meat and vegetables, improves taste, maximises body energy, enhances the immune system, calms and balances, assists in pain relief, rejuvenates cells, cures autism and increases the “drinking water energy level” (your guess is as good as ours) of any liquid poured over the disc.  Man, who needs stinky ol’ medicine when you have a solid glass disc?

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3.  Water Activation Filter

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This website claims that, “as we age, our body’s ability to convert water into the necessary single-file alignment dramatically decreases.  Our body’s hydration becomes increasingly compromised.”

The website helps clarify what they mean with a useful diagram, and fortunately for this list it is exactly as ridiculous as it sounds: according to the makers, water molecules need to be lined up in a damned conga line in order to properly hydrate our bodies.  Perhaps making the molecules dance helps with that whole “drinking water energy level” thing?

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2.  Wattgate 381 Audio Grade Duplex Receptacle Outlet

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A receptacle outlet which supposedly improves the quality of sound of devices powered by it.  To be clear, the receptacle outlet is the thing electrical cords plug into.  Boasting 24k gold plating and “cryogenic heat-treated hardened contacts”, this device is perfect for facilitating the unhindered flow of electrons, thus achieving…better sound?  More constant electricity?  Happier electrons?  Damned if we know.

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1.  Magnet Slimming Patch

slimming-patch

This tiny magnetic patch sits in the user’s bellybutton (apparently the location of the body’s thinnest “belly-wall”) and “produces magnetic waves, which can pass through the skin 8-12cm in depth and do the meridian massage“.  What precisely a meridian message consists of remains a rather ominous mystery to us, but supposedly the product is “applicable to simple obesity, puffiness or caused obesity by obesity and other irregular people.”  Never mind the god-awful grammar there for a second; what the Hell are other irregular people?

We’d be lying if we said we weren’t intrigued.

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Written By Hamish MacDonald


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29 Comments

  1. Silly Wabbitt on

    and all of these products are available at your local Wal-mart, walgreens and cvs. hurry and go buy it all now.

  2. As silly as it sounds, the high-end electrical outlet does serve a real purpose. And it’s all about the strength and cleanliness of the power running through it. Naturally, this electricity would be run through a power conditioner to smooth out any remaining spikes before it would be connected to A/V equipment.

    Audiophilia is an expensive hobby.

    • I was going to say something similar. My guess would be that it reduces ground hums and that pesky 60Hz buzz associated with electricity in the US.

      I still think it’s pretty F’ing ridiculous though.

    • It may do something to help your sound if there is a buzz in the audio, but it won’t do anything if your sound is good already. I can’t really tell from the info provided – but I wouldn’t dismiss it completely as a scam.

    • I have yet to try the ‘audiophile grade” outlets, but noticed a definite improvement with a ‘hospital grade” outlet (they have a green dot and cost $20 to $25). A dedicated AC circuit also helps. Even my wife said the stereo sounded better. But you need to be a good listener (many people are almost tone deaf) and have a decent stereo system that is properly set up to hear the difference. I assure you it is there. However, the $90 to $100 outlet may not be the best choice for you, but outlet quality does influence the sound of your audio system.

    • gullible bob on

      My carbon fiber spindle sticks and copper plated framastan converter work really well also. They bring out the color and tone of the music.

      • So basically you’re just jumping to believing that since someone else said it was a scam, and someone provided a definite argument why it’s not, that they’re gullible and you’re not?

    • Michael Warren on

      You take things too seriously. Of course some of this stuff does work, but most people don’t understand that. This page is just intended to make you laugh.

  3. Peter Boucher on

    Well for me particularly for me, any kind of scam is no laughing matter. I’ve “been around the block” a few times in my life and know all about scamming. One of them is do not get involved with people from Western Africa (especially Nigeria and Ghana). Also look up the term “Fiance Visa” and how many men fall for it. There is also a website called stopscammers.com which is very interesting. Personally, I was scammed out of $6500 from a Born Again Christian thinking that we were going into the restaurant business when actually he used the money for his tithing his own church (hence one of the thousands of reasons that I am an atheist). If I ever see him again, I will become “Dirty Harry” (Clint Eastwood), point the gun at his head and ask him, “Do you feel lucky punk ? Well, do ya”

  4. Those sunglasses may not be HD but they are very nice I think they missed the mark on that one. At $10 it’s a pretty good deal, and no this is not spam.

  5. The use of the term “HD” with those sunglasses may be a bit of marketing hype, but the basic claims are valid. I have never tried this specific brand of sunglasses, but I have tried others with a similar orange/brown tinting. I was instantly amazed at how vibrant all the colors appeared when I looked out the window of the optical shop on a sunny day. Of course this isn’t any sort of magic. Absorbing various frequencies of light can dramatically change the appearance of our surroundings.

  6. The Wattgate receptacle may be horribly overpriced, but your typical wall outlet is a light weight piece of junk. Anybody looking for a low cost improvement in background noise and grunge on their high end home music reproduction system WILL notice an improvement with a quality (hospital grade) wall outlet.

  7. The canned oxygen is a novelty product, not a scam. You’re not actually supposed to open it, it’s just a joke item.

  8. I’ve owned the HD glasses for about 5 years and everything seems a lot clearer. The colors pop, and they greatly reduce glare on the road.

  9. You forgot: Magnet and copper bracelets that do nothing and turn your arm green respectively , and Snuggie, A blanket!

  10. Why does “Tasmania” link to “Top Ten Fictional Brands from Movies and TV”? If you’re assuming it’s a fictional place, it’s not. Tasmania is a small island south of Australia and, due to weather patterns, would have extremely clean rain water.

    Not that it’s worth buying in a bottle mind you. I live there, so I get it out of the tap.

  11. #9 – Works. Very useful if you are a pilot by the way, even if your not at an altitude that requires oxygen a shot of it every so often keeps you sharp.
    #7 – True. Relaxation helps one heal and the music relaxes you. Music can directly effect your body, pumping up your energy level, or soothing the beast within. Mellow out dude. It’s all good.
    #5 – Useful. Try them and you’ll be suprised.
    #2 – Works. Eleminates any ground hum. Like butter, dude!

  12. Those energy bands are being sold at my nearby corner store. They are a hoax, and it has to do with how the salesperson sells me them. He tests me on my balance before and after I wear one, but the test involves me standing on one leg with my arms extended and the salesperson pushing down. Before the test with the band he pushed much farther away from my center of gravity then when I had the band on. That was easy to notice. Also he made me see how much I can twist my torso. The first test he told me to twist as far as I can. The test with the band he told me to twist as far as I can, but as I did, he pushed me verbally to twist my body more. I said I noticed no difference but he said he noticed a difference. The explanation of how the product works to me was that the band removed the signals from all the wireless networks activated around the area. The product is unconvincing, and scientifically unproven. As for the commercials, watch for camera angles and similar tricks.

  13. That’s an interesting additive for diesel. By their own numbers it would bring the flashpoint of diesel to -326*F and the auto-ignite temperature to 110*F. So you’d have to cool it to within 133* of absolute zero to keep it in liquid form, and it would spontaneously combust on a hot day!

    Science is fun if you believe in magic.

  14. Michael Warren on

    These jokes are great. It reminds me of the stores that are full of merchandise that nobody buys but they just look at. Plus it makes me think of the whole computer market, which is about 90% scams.

  15. I seriously dont get why Xtreme Fuel Treatment is regarded as a scam, i went on to purchase this product just for experimental purposes and i tested it with my dad, he also thuoght it was a scam and i wasnt certain at all. we tested it on my dad’s 4×4 Toyota Hilux 1994 model, then on my mum’s Mercedes Benz C180 2002 model. honestly, we were all impressed, we spent about 40% less of what was usually spent on fuel, although the equivalent amount spent on the product was pretty much close to the cost of what would have been spent on the fuel saved, now we’v been using it for tractor ploughing at the farm on 400hectars of land, and we really save a lot compared to before . So i just want to understand exactly what it is about this product that doesnt make it legit. why do people say its a scam? PLIZ REPLY

  16. To be fair the electrical plugs that ‘clean’ electricity is an actual thing. I thought it was woo woo too at one point. But a friend of mine who is a composer pointed out to me years ago that he uses all sorts of technology to clean the power derived from the wall and even uses special sound cards in his computer to clear out any unwanted interference. Hard drives are evidently the worst for it becasue they not only utilize power that is not screened by the computer but they have an arm that jumps back and forward in a vacuum that causes its own ‘dirty’ electrical output. He always used SCSI drives until IDE won out in the end. Now he uses a HD outside the computer completely and a SSHD as the computer drive.

    You do not need this in the home though. But using it will prolong the life of electric items like your TV or anything that uses complex electronics. However the cost of a good one exceeds the money you would save in the long term. Its only really useful if what you are producing MUST be clear of interference, like say music or if you are carrying out a scientific experiment.

    So its not really a consumer product.

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