Top 10 Reasons the American Future is Female
Ever since the first American woman said “I deserve a right to vote,” we knew there was trouble coming. And guess what? From the available trends and data, it looks like we are looking at a future where American women as a whole have it better than American men. Even though it’s kind of un-American to think of people as collectives instead of as individuals, here are ten significant factors.
10. Male Health Is Awful
If you’ve ever touched any surface or looked into any corner not immediately visible in a bachelor pad, it might not surprise you to find out that a male bachelor pad is 15 times germier than a bachelorette pad. This is just one of the many contributing factors to the fact men are in general sicker than women. This is actually going to prove more serious than us guys would like to admit: a higher amount of colds, bouts of the flu, and general sickness are big contributors to Alzheimer’s disease. So by the time there’s all that social security and retirement money available, seems like she’ll be the only one sane enough to use it. Don’t get me started on health insurance.
9. The Male Unemployment Rate is Higher
While most of us non-evil types were hurt pretty badly by the recession, women might really, really be beneficiaries of it in the long run. Of late, the male unemployment rate is 10.4% in America while the female is approximately 8%. Among the various reasons is the fact that men were, on average, paid significantly more than their female counterparts. The bigger they are…
8. Male Education is Dropping
Toptenz is very lucky to have plenty of nice ladies handy to read our articles to us, because, you see, education trends are skewing heavily, heavily in female favor. It’s not just college graduation rates but 7% less male students graduate high school than female students. So yeah, looks like the need for ladies that read for us is just going to expand.
7. Boys Are Inferior Babies
For some reason, some weirdoes seem to treat dead babies like a big or serious deals, so it’ll just be the facts for this one. Male infant mortality rates are as much as 30% higher in developed counties and even in some developing countries where the female is usually considered less valuable (e.g., India.) This hints at a larger trend that will be expanded upon later.
6. There are an Expanding Number of Female Millionaires
Yes, men still lead the pack by a wide margin as far as billionaires go, but trends indicate that with their higher amount of education, increased business opportunities, and better health, women are going to be overtaking men in many areas of financial security within your lifetime (if you’re female. If you’re a guy, you’ll probably have done something to take yourself out first.) And an article by the UK’s Telegraph reported the estimation that women will control 60% of Great Britain’s wealth by 2025, and the trends there are not really that different from America’s.
5. Men are WAY More Likely to Die on the Job Site
So, with a comparatively declining amount of education and a lessening amount of money, what else is going wrong for men in the workplace in relation to women? It might not be the most surprising thing in the world, but consider that in 2005, for example, around 5,328 men in America were killed on the job site as opposed to 406 women.
4. More Adopted Females Than Males
So, suppose the male baby survives infancy but is left an orphan for reasons beyond his control (unless he’s the Antichrist.) Turns out girls will still have the advantage on him. Females make up 64% of all adopted children in the U.S. of international babies and are adopted more than 12% more internal adoptions. Given that the adoption process is so difficult and time consuming that it’s very, very likely only a very stable and relatively well-to-do, this means girls are also being introduced into the families with money and status.
3. Cow Hormones In the Water
Let’s take a break from all of these serious, rational reasons and just go silly for this one:
The influence of the female is indeed subtle and treacherous. They are not content to merely take control of our economy, but they want us to be more like them! One of the most insidious ways is a very subtle, very clever little number: the amount of female hormones in our water supply is increasing hugely, increasing the number of men who need breast reduction and suffering from other inadequacies of masculinity. This is accomplished by inducing cows that have had massive injections of hormones to urinate. Animal urine not being as properly processed as human urine, this has tainted out ground water supply to say nothing of dairy and meat products. Unfortunately, us men are going to be too dumb and poor to do anything about it.
2. Sexism Was Just Making Them Stronger
Coming from a past of Mad Men-like gender inequality, psychologists, business teachers and consultants are positing that a woman in the work place tends to make for a better leader due to the increasing adversity strengthening drive and character. Which is great, because it gives us the excuse of “it was for your own good!”
1. The Y-Chromosome Is Deteriorating
Now THIS is a bit more distant as far as the future goes, but still, the precursor effects seem to be visible now. The Y-chromosome is susceptible to mutation, degradation, and has been losing genes since its emergence, much faster than the X. How fast is that? Well, the theory is that in all species across the entire world, the Y-chromosome will be gone within five million years. So those of you hoping for a great x5,000 grandson should probably give up on that. We know: it can be hard to let go. And yes, we are imagining the United States of America will still be around in five million years.
By Dustin Koski