The only thing worse than an actual Bon Jovi song, however, is Jon Bon Jovi doing a version of someone else’s, automatically better original. Worse still, would be someone actually COVERING a Bon Jovi song, but to the best of our knowledge, the likelihood of this occurring is about as probable as a meteor the size of the state of New Jersey striking the earth.
Since their own music wasn’t bad enough, here is Bon Jovi doing what they do best—spilling their own REO Speedwagon / Journey / Three Dog Night / Springsteen-lite effluent on some of the world’s most well-beloved songs. Luckily for all concerned, these are so popular that nobody would mistake them for Bon Jovi originals and mislead any future generations. Here, in no particular order, because the pork rendering plant stench emanating from each, is indistinguishable from the other, is our 10 Worst Bon Jovi Cover Songs of All Time:
10. You Were Always on My Mind
Willie Nelson. Since his battle with the IRS, legendary Willie Nelson seems contractually obligated to work with just about anyone, and unfortunately this includes the Bon Jovi frontman.
9. Save the Last Dance for Me, Pomus and Shuman. Among the ‘better’ song on this list, only in the sense that it’s better to have testicular cancer than say, lung. The presence of Willy Deville’s voice means fewer verses for JBJ
8. Rockin’ in the Free World, Neil Young. This ‘free world’ musically speaking, is more like a police state run by a strong-armed military junta.
7. Hallelujah, Leonard Cohen. The second piece of Canadiana desecrated by the Garden State purveyors of garden-variety pop rock, that neither pops nor rocks.
6. I Thank You, Hayes & Porter, as performed by Sam & Dave. Debasing the Stax Records legacy.
5. Not Fade Away, Buddy Holly & Norman Petty, made famous by Buddy Holly & the Crickets.Contrary to the wishes of music fans, Bon Jovi have been living up to the title.
4. Fever Eddie Cooley & John Davenport, made famous by Peggy Lee
A rectal thermometer would fail to detect any heat emanating from this lukewarm version.
3. Twist & Shout by Phil Medley & Bert Russell, made famous by the Isley Brothers and the Fab Four. If the Isley Brothers got wind of this, they’d commit fratricide.
2. Help by Lennon & McCartney. This is beyond ‘Help’. If Paul McCartney heard this, he’d pummel Jon Bon with Heather Mills’ peg leg.
1. R.E.S.P.E.C.T. by Otis Redding, made famous by Aretha Franklin
Bon Jovi’s ironic, disrespectful take on Redding’s classic.
Written by The Shark Guys