Donald “Lofty” Large, despite being the owner of a nickname so non-threatening whispering into the wind is a way to communicate with kittens. Is one of the most bad-ass soldiers the SAS has ever seen, yes, that SAS. The same SAS where they measure a man’s worth in his own sweat and tears. If you’re wondering how Donald earned the nickname, Lofty, it stemmed from the fact that Donald was around 6 and a half feet tall.
Before joining the SAS, Lofty was just an ordinary soldier in the regular, non bad-ass military, when he, in his own words, “got sick of the b******t” involved with it” he decided to join the SAS. Which was something you could apparently do back then provided you were big enough to slap your drill instructor from across the room. Now SAS selections are nothing to be scoffed at, they’re literally one of the single most gruelling experiences a person can be subjected to. Unless your name is Lofty Large. After passing selections once, Lofty crashed his motorcycle on the way home, crushing his ankle into what we presume was a fine, manly paste.
Which is when the SAS informed that he needed to pass selections, again, you know, even though there were like 20 witnesses who’d just seen him do it the first time. Not one to let something like crippling, agonising pain stop him from subjecting himself to crippling, agonising pain. Lofty bandaged up the piece of raw meat he was currently calling an ankle, put on a boot that was 2 sizes too big and bossed the SAS selection a second time. Why the SAS didn’t just film that and use it in lieu of nuclear deterrent is a mystery to us.