The Toilet Seat Argument, Solved by Science


The argument of what to do with the toilet seat after you’ve marked your territory has raged since a man first left it up and his wife then punched him in the testicles for his thoughtlessness. Ever since that moment, men and women have been locked in a constant battle about what the hell to do with that piece of plastic. However, this argument could only rage on for so long before someone thought, “screw this, I’m getting my science on”.

"Poopology is serious business, why don't my children respect me?"

“Poopology is serious business, why don’t my children respect me?”

And the answer? Well, if the number of females in a given household is equal to, or greater than the number of males the seat should always be left down. Why? Well, using maths, pooping maths, one Martin A.¬†Andresen worked out that if the male to female ratio is as described in the previous sentence, the most efficient use of overall household energy states that you should always leave the seat down after you do your business. Since doing so will result in, overall, the “most efficient expenditure of energy” possible. Sure the men in your household are going to be lifting the seat when they need to pee, but overall, the entire household will waste less energy and time, which means that you’ll be able to invest it elsewhere. Then again, reading this article probably wasted any time you’d actually save. Sorry about that.

To clarify, if there are more or an equal amount of ladies in your house, leave that seat down. Science commands it!


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  1. people don’t know this, but most standard toilets aren’t long enough for men to sit and pee… inside the toilet, my porpoise always kisses porcelain. gross!… We need longer bowls, then i’ll sit anyday.

  2. the correct answer is seat down with lid closed. And turn on the go**amnned fan ladies, you stink.