Why a Realistic Batman Movie Would Suck


A common theme with superhero movies these days is the creators trying to make the hero more grounded in reality. Instead of Spider-man teaming up with a phychic spider-lady, he fights Willem Dafoe in a robot power-suit which is way more realistic. Likewise, the Batman movies released recently have taken the emphasis away from Batman fighting cartoonishly evil bad guys with superpowers to focus on him fighting darker more realistic opponents not dissimilar from the terrorists we have today.

Trust us, there's a beard under that mask somewhere.

Trust us, there’s a beard under that mask somewhere.

However, this added realism only raises more questions than simply having a film where Batman fights a super-steroid addled opponent from a country that doesn’t even exist.  Mainly that Batman would only be able to be Batman for about 3 years. Movement scientists (which are totally a thing) did the math behind Batman and worked out that he could only operate at his prime, which Batman has to be at to be able to do his job, for 3 years before his body, joints and mind started to deteriorate to the point of him being uselss. And regardless of what the third film says, you can’t heal spines or anything for that matter by punching it in just the right way, leaving Batman royally screwed if he so much as sprains an ankle.

This leave us with a rather depressing image, one in which Batman spends literally billions of dollars just so he can make a temporary dent in the crime figures before he eventually succumbs to a broken leg and is forced to retire, leaving the city at the mercy of the breed of super-criminal that only exist because of him. In reality, Batman would be far, far better off investing those billions of dollars into education or the police force, which would allow him to have a long-term effect on Gotham’s crime rate without any personal risk to himself. But hey, that movie would suck, right? If we wanted to watch a movie where the hero is a guy who does something sensible with his money to better the world he lives in, we’d watch, actually, there isn’t a film like that. We guess a film about a man dressed as a bat punching criminals isn’t so bad.


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1 Comment

  1. This is retarded beyond belief,

    So a professional fighter is only good for three years??? An you are talking about him fighting other professional fighters no just street thugs, ridiculous