Parenting is a complex job. It is sometimes messy, sometimes fun, sometimes frustrating and often, all of it combined. But it is one of the most exciting roles one can play because only a parent gets to nurture a human into a wholesome person. Here are some apparently good parenting tips which do more harm than good for your children.
Never argue in front of kids
Exposing children to healthy arguments gives them a sneak peek into what a real relationship actually is like. They will understand that a relationship is not only about the pretty bits and also that a fight is not equivalent to a fall out. It is definitely not okay to expose your children to your serious relationship issues, or every petty fight, but whenever they are exposed to an argument between the parents, it’s important to make sure they understand that two adults can respectfully disagree, argue and sort out their differences mutually within the social terms and with basic decency.
Children come first
Children are a part of the family and not the sole priority around whom the entire family revolves. Too much of priority and pampering will make them believe that they are entitled to special treatment always which wouldn’t work well. A healthy relationship between the parents sets a better example than giving your 100% to kids. It is also important to take some time out for yourself too. Children learn by copying their parents. If you constantly prioritize your children, giving no importance to yourself and your relationship, your kids won’t learn the value of cherishing themselves either.
Help them with studies 24X7
A school curriculum is designed keeping in mind the child’s capabilities at a particular age. Do not underestimate the smartness of your child and constantly help them out. If you keep spoon-feeding them solutions, they will never be able to develop their own problem-solving skills. Your child’s skill development is more important, especially in the formative years than immediate good grades. Even when they come to you for help, don’t simply give an answer to the question, but explain and articulate so that the kids can come to the answer on their own.
Don’t let them play videogames
Contrary to popular belief, video games help in the development of certain skills like strategy, planning nimbleness etc. Moreover, banning games will only whet their curiosity and they will somehow manage to get their hands on it through friends. However much you try to keep them away from these games, they will inevitability end up playing at a friend’s birthday party or slumber date. Therefore, instead of preventing them from playing, it is better to monitor the games that your children play. Do your research and get them appropriate games before they catch hold of the harmful ones through friends and others.
Always be there for them
You do not have to be at the beck and call of your children 24X7. Let them learn to take care of themselves, clean up their own messes and grow as individuals. Constantly helping them out for the small things will make it a habit and they will always depend on you for the smallest things ever. As they grow up, this dependence will shift on others and your children won’t be able to function without aid. It will do them more harm than you can imagine as they won’t grow up to be independent individuals.
Never let kids know about your problems
Children are smart sensitive beings who do not need to be shielded constantly. If you are going through a rough patch, explain to them, within the grasp of their understanding, why you are doing certain things a certain way. You will be surprised how understanding your kids can be. But if you do not keep them in the loop they will be perplexed at their parents’ sudden inconsistent actions, which you might be forced to take, in the wake of the situation. Moreover, children sense tension and explaining to them the situation will put them at ease as well.
Protect them fiercely
Do not protect them to the point that they do not develop the skill of protecting themselves if needed. You don’t have to jump in to save your kid over the smallest things. Monitor your children’s situation and ask yourself if this situation needs your intervention or is your child enough to handle it. Most often it is seen that petty fights and issues which can be easily solved between children are complicated when parents interfere. You do have your child’s best interest in mind but it is also important to learn protecting themselves
Children need to understand that their actions have consequences, and hence, punishment is necessary. But parents have to be careful with the punishment. It is never okay to hit, degrade or humiliate children in front of others since it damages their self-esteem and confidence badly. Depending on the gravity of their mistakes, ground them, take away certain privileges or give some additional chores to do. It is important to explain that you are punishing the kid for a mistake. The aim of punishment is to teach kids the idea that they will be held responsible for their actions, and not to hurt them.
Check their stuff regularly
Trust is a two-way street. If you don’t trust your kids, they will not trust you either. It will only lead to an unhealthy parent-child relationship based on lies. The more you snoop around, the more will they become secretive and devise new ways of hiding up and simply get better at lying over time. Nurture a healthy relationship where your children wouldn’t feel the need to hide from you. Be open to conversations and remember that there is a generation gap between you and them. While you should definitely monitor your kids, do not infringe on their privacy.
Don’t give them monetary freedom
You are raising your child to be an individual and financial responsibility is a crucial part of it. Start entrusting them with small amounts of money from a younger age. Teach them not only about saving, but also about responsible spending. As they grow up, give them financial lessons on important issues like credit score, loans, taxes etc. so that they can handle their own finances later. Find out the top credit cards to get your child the right one. Make sure that the limits are not set high and the scope of correcting any mistakes are kept in mind.
Every child is unique and so is every parent’s experience. That is what makes parenthood such a challenging, and yet rewarding experience.