Fast Food, Not Recommended for Criminals


If you, the person reading this right now just so happens to be a criminal, we have a little advice for you, go shove a broomstick into your rectum, sideways. Okay that was mean, here’s some actual advice. Don’t eat fast food.

Confused? Well fast food along with being artery-bustingly awesome, it contains a metric ton of salt to make it taste so delicious pigeons will fly at your face when you burp. This salt has to leave your body, since if it stayed inside your heart would literally explode (probably), it just so happens that the easiest way for your body to get rid of the salt is to sweat it out. However, sweat with a higher than average salt content is more likely to ever so slightly corrode metal when you touch it. Though infinitesimally small and unnoticeable to the human eye, with science this corrosion couldn’t be more obvious unless it gave off a high-pitched whine and a laser light show.

This means that eating fast food makes it way easier to detect your fingerprints on certain surfaces, as this corrosion is likely to be easier to see. So yeah, the next time you complain about McDonald’s making everyone fat, just remember that they could be instrumental in helping you get your Xbox back from an overweight criminal. Thanks, capitalism!

Salad? Do you want the criminals to win? Fry that sucker.

Salad? Do you want the criminals to win? Fry that sucker.


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