Top 10 Birds That Could Kick Your Ass

When you think about birds, you probably think of small, cute animals flying through the air, swooping down to reach their nest. Maybe you think of those “pretty” song birds in the morning. I, personally find them annoying. In any case, the image of a bird generally doesn’t produce anything terrifying.

However, not all birds are cute, and not all of them are nice, so to speak. There are hundreds of dangerous birds that could attack a human, and do a lot of damage. While this top ten list may be plenty amusing, it is also plenty true. Here are the top ten birds that can, and maybe will kick your ass!

10. Seagulls

Go to the beach or to an empty parking lot near water, you’ll surely find a seagull. These white birds with yellow beaks are prone to swooping down and scaring people. However, seagulls don’t usually attack, that is unless you get too close to a nest. Seagulls, like most things in life, are known to protect their young. Try getting close to a seagull nest. I can assure you you’ll receive a few pecks on the head. A woman in Britain was actually hospitalized due to a blow to the head that was as deep as the seagulls beak was long.

9. Vultures

This bird is known to prey on small animals and dead animals. If you’ve ever driven by a dead deer or animal, you have probably seen a vulture eating at the carcass or flying around or somewhere near the animal. If you were ever put in a match with a vulture, expect to come out with some serious scratches and deep puncture wounds. These birds have sharp, hooked beaks that are perfect for ripping flesh. If enough vultures attacked you, you can expect to have some of your skin gone.

8. Rhea

Though flightless and not common in the U.S., these birds are extremely strong and are very ostrich-like. You will generally find them in South America. These birds can grow to be up to 60-80lbs. While nowhere near as big as an ostrich, these birds are known for their powerful legs and feet. Their legs are heavily muscled and each foot has an extremely hard spur to accompany it. It is said that if a rhea were to ever kick a human, it would be able to exert around 800 pounds of force per square inch. I’d say that’s enough to break a few bones!

7. Owl

One type of owl that is known to attack prey its own size is the great horned owl. This owl is common in North America and has a wing span of five feet and can weigh more than five lbs. The owl, known for its sharp long talons, can do serious harm to a human, especially if you approach one during mating season or if you get too close to an owl’s nest. These birds will surely leave painful scratches. Owls will have you “hoo hooing” all the way home.

6. Falcon

With razor sharp talons and beaks, a falcon was mastered to do damage to its prey. Because of the way that a falcon’s beak is shaped, it can cut through the spinal cord of its prey. While it might be hard for just one falcon to rip through a human spinal cord, I’m sure if enough of them attacked someone, that person could be in for some serious trouble. If a falcon were to attack you, you’d be left with a bullet-like puncture wound.

5. Hawk

Similar to falcons, hawks are birds of prey and will swoop down to get what they want. There are eye-witness accounts of hawks attempting to attack puppies. Hawks can grip and carry other animals that weigh up to 4lbs. With extremely sharp talons, a hawk attacking a human would surely leave some blood.

4. Eagle

Eagles are just intimidating birds to look at! While eagles aren’t prone to attack humans, they have the capability of attacking and killing a small bear cub, a small dog, and even a decent sized mountain goat. Though eagles don’t usually attack people, they have attacked small children in the past. In May 2008, an eagle attacked a young boy and mangled his body. He had scratches and cuts from the birds sharp claws along his neck, back, and head. Eagles can leave you with a 2-inch gash in your skin. Stay away from eagles nests!

3. Condor

If you’ve ever been to the zoo, you have probably seen a condor. The Andean Condor is the world’s largest bird. It has a wing span of over 10 feet and weighs over 40lbs. This bird’s statistics definitely match the damage it can do. If you were to ever be attacked by a condor, you’d be left with serious scratches as well as deep puncture wounds. In August 1999, a 3 year old girl was attacked by a condor at the Columbus Ohio Zoo. The bird knocked her over and left her with many injuries, mostly puncture wounds.

2. Cassowaries

This video is reminiscent of the T-rex chasing the jeep in Jurassic Park, kind of.

You can find these birds in Australia as well as in New Guinea. While these birds look like a cross between an ostrich and a turkey, they are extremely beautiful to look at. However, if you ever corner a cassowary or get too close to it, be ready for an attack. These birds are very aggressive and very unpredictable. If a cassowary were to kick you, you’d definitely have some broken bones. If its dagger-sharp claws get a hold of you, be ready for some serious scratches and wounds.

1. Ostrich

While ostriches may seem like nothing but tall, big birds to you, they are actually capable of doing some serious damage to a human. Ostriches can run up to 45 mph and can be as big as 9 feet and 350lbs. Try running away from an ostrich, I bet you won’t win. As if speed isn’t enough, an ostrich has a claw on each foot. If you were to ever be kicked by in ostrich in the back, it could: 1. Break your spine, 2. Slice you right open, or 3. Do both. While ostriches don’t look the most frightening, I wouldn’t push my luck getting close to them.

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