Whether they are respected as objects of beauty or admired for their efficient milk production, or- on the other end of the spectrum- erroneously used to gauge a woman’s IQ, there is no question that breasts are a popular and controversial part of our culture.
This is my list of 10 famous breasts (20, actually). The famous melons of Venus de Milo, Jessica Rabbit’s jugs, and the 3-breasted woman from Total Recall‘s ta-tas were all bounced out because they are not real people, while others were allowed in even though their funbags are fake.
10. Timmie Jean Lindsey: Historical Hoo-Ha’s
Historically significant, Timmie Jean Lindsey should probably be higher on this list since she got the very first implants, ever. However, she is not that famous, so here she is at spot number 10.
According to an article at radaronline.com, “2012 marks the 50th anniversary of the boob job.” In 1962, Timmie Jean Lindsey went to see a doctor about tattoo removal, but ended up with a breast augmentation instead. She is now a great-great grandmother and currently holds the record for the oldest breast implants.
9. Susan G. Komen
For a body part that is so universally celebrated, so loved, and so objectified, there is one thing that we don’t always remember: boobs can also be deadly. Estimates predict that “226,870 women will be diagnosed with and 39,510 women will die of cancer of the breast in 2012.” Also, 1 in 8 women and 1 in 1000 men will be diagnosed with cancer of the breast during their lifetime. (National Cancer Institute, breastcancer.org).
So, this spot on the list is reserved for Susan G. Komen and it’s not very funny, but dead serious. You’ve seen the famous pink ribbons, but you might not know who Susan G. Komen is (I actually thought she was the woman who ran the foundation, but that’s her sister). In 1980, Susan G Komen lost her three-year battle with breast cancer “after nine operations, three courses of chemotherapy and radiation.” Spurred on by a promise made to her dying sister, Nancy G. Brinker started the Susan G. Komen for the Cure in her living room with $200 and a shoebox full of names in 1982. Today, they are “the largest source of nonprofit funds dedicated to the fight against breast cancer in the world”: over 1.9 billion dollars so far (ww5.komen.org).
8. Teri Hatcher: They’re Real and Spectacular
Teri Hatcher’s final line as Sidra Holland in the Seinfeld episode ‘the Implant’ is “they’re real.. and they’re spectacular.” Elaine tells Seinfeld that Sidra has implants, but accidentally grabs them in a sauna and discovers that they are real.
Over 76 million viewers got another chance to decide whether Sidra’s sweater puppies were purebred when she retold the story during Seinfeld’s final episode a few years later (seinfeld.wikia.com).
7. Phoebe Cates: Golden Globes (SFW)
And the award for best breasts in a movie scene, go to: … Phoebe Cates and a swimming pool in Fast Times at Ridgemont High.
It takes Cates less than 60 seconds to climb out of the pool and take her bikini top off, yet her boobs are burned into everyone’s brain forever. Close your eyes: you can see them, can’t you? This scene is intensified by the fact that every viewer experiences it from the perspective of a horny teenage boy (Judge Reinhold’s character, Brad). I bet a lot of Betamaxes went to the repair shop with broken pause buttons when this came out on video in 1984 – it was ranked 12th for rentals and 23rd for purchases on Billboard’s Videocassette Top 40 (both VHS and Beta).
Twenty-three years later Cates’ bee stings were still causing a buzz – having been named among the Top 50 Breasts in Film History (GQ.com, 2007).
6. Jane Russell and Jayne Mansfield: The Girls
Two Janes are famous for their boobs, so I’ve decided to put them together on this list that is already bursting with buxomness. Jane Russell and Jayne Mansfield are queens of the bullet boob era- a time when girdles were girlie and bumps were beautiful. Any woman who wants to eat cheesecake (or, frankly, just cheese) wistfully looks back on those days where wide hips were admired as the balanced bottom to any big top.
When Howard Hughes discovered Jane Russell she was working as a receptionist. He had his engineers design a new underwire bra to seamlessly support her 38 D breasts for her role in the Outlaw. Her most famous film role was opposite Marilyn Monroe in Gentleman Prefer Blondes; where according to nndb.com, “Russell matched her tit for tat as best friend Dorothy Shaw, the been-around-the-block brunette.”
Jayne Mansfield once said, “A forty-one inch bust and a lot of perseverance will get you more than a cup of coffee-a lot more.” Mansfield reportedly had an IQ of 153, proving that just because your blonde and busty, it doesn’t mean your a boob (Stephen Hawking and Einstein are both said to have scores of 160).
5. Cassandra Peterson: Boob Tube
Cassandra hosted a TV show called Movie Macabre in the 80s as the character Elvira: Mistress of the Dark. Her cleavage was more interesting than many of the horror B-movies the show featured (and her “quick-lipped quips” were often more entertaining). They- I mean, she- continues to make appearances today – at a wide variety of events, such as conventions and film festivals. Of course she is very busy during October appearing at events, such as the Los Angeles Haunted Hay Ride, Haunted Knotts Berry Farm, and Circus Circus’ Fright Dome in Las Vegas according to her website.
4. Janet Jackson: The Half-Off Show
Thanks to Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake’s 2004 Super Bowl Half-Time performance, the term wardrobe malfunction “appeared in 5,028 stories in major US consumer and business publications, newspapers, and major TV and radio broadcasts” (wikipedia).
Janet Jackson brings the total number of famous breasts on this list down to 19 from 20, since only her right breast is famous. It certainly has received a lot of attention for just one star appearance that lasted only nine-sixteenths of a second.
Jackson’s questionably unintentional fashion fudge popped back into the news in June 2012, when the Supreme Court dismissed government fines against CBS and 20 of its affiliates for the incident, which the FCC declared “obscene” (cnn.com).
3. Pamela Anderson: Pink Mountaintops
Hailing from the province of British Columbia in the Great White North, Pamela Anderson’s chesticles first became famous when she was shown on a stadium screen at a BC Lions game (that’s a Canadian football team). Constant exposure in Baywatch, Playboy, and her infamous sex tape with Tommy Lee guarantees her a spot high on this list.
Real or not? She eventually had implants put in, and then reportedly removed, and then put in again. It’s hard to keep track, but nevertheless her bosom is famous.
2. Madonna: Twin Peaks
During the early 1990s, Madonna took things to the extreme to attract attention, and her crazy chest cones were no exception.
They were designed by Jean Paul Gauthier and used during her 1990 Blonde Ambition tour. Singing ‘Like A Virgin’ from a red velvet bed that she shared with two men would be shocking enough for some, but- just in case- she also simulated masturbation. If that didn’t get everyone’s attention, then perhaps some giant cone-like boobs… to be followed by some robed figures and candles to get the Catholics into a tizzy.
And, before anyone complains that this is a famous bra and not famous breasts, I’d like to point out that this was just a prelude to the exposure they would get in her 1992 book, Sex. Merely a visual depiction of many of the same activities described in 50 Shades of Grey, it caused quite a ruckus when it came out twenty years ago and remains one of the most sought after out of print books to this day. Sex “sold a record 150,000 US copies on its first day of release” and “generated a net profit of nearly $20 million.” (Numbers and other facts from absolutemadonna.com; opinions mine.)
1. Dolly Parton: Islands in the Stream
Whether Dolly Parton’s 40DD chest has been artificially enhanced or not has been a subject of debate for many years. One theory is that, after Parton lost weight in the 70s, her bra size went down- so she had her breasts pumped back up to her public’s expectations. In her own words, “I’m in showbiz. I look at my boobs like they’re show horses or show dogs. You’ve got to keep them groomed.” She has also said that “plastic surgeons are always making mountains out of molehills.”
I’ve put her in first place because her mountains have been famous for over half a century. And, unlike many of the other women on this list, Dolly Parton is arguably equally famous for her songs and her bust size.
Her sense of humor, make-up, fashion taste, and big blonde wig add to her overall larger-than-life persona. Don’t forget, Dolly is so much fun that she even has her own theme park – where you can take rides on her Adventure Mountain and splash around in her Beaver Creek (yes, these are real attractions at Dollywood!).
On a more serious note, October is Breast Cancer Awareness month and this list’s writer is donating the money earned writing this list to a local Cancer Society and TopTenz has agreed to match it with a donation to the Susan G. Komen For The Cure. If you love your mom, your sister, your girlfriend, or -heck- if you just love boobs in general, please consider donating, too: ww5.komen.org.