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27 Responses

  1. Common Sense
    Common Sense at |

    Almost all of these characters except Jesus pretty much didn’t bother to read “god’s” commandments (yes including “god” himself, if you look at it, he basically was the hitler/stalin of the bible and satan seemed like the guy who is desperately saving people whom god rejected because they aren’t “pure”)

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  2. Jeebus
    Jeebus at |

    Wow, i’ve never read the bible, but It’s like the Avengers, but with more killing!

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    1. Common Sense
      Common Sense at |

      I read it. I’ve decided to read twilight my entire life to bloat out how horribly written that book is.

      Reply
  3. Rebekah Thomas
    Rebekah Thomas at |

    Overall great list, I especially like the story of Yael. Esther is one of my favorite biblical stories as well, and it really shows what women are capable of doing. Thank you for including some women to this list!

    Reply
    1. Common Sense
      Common Sense at |

      You do notice the theme of the story was just as misogynist as the rest of the book, right? It goes like this:
      *Women are weak but mischievous and cannot be trusted.
      But I guess I like the fact that we men are not entirely blamed for all the bull in this world

      Reply
  4. Steve
    Steve at |

    Alexander the Great is not a Biblical character, apocrypha or otherwise.
    Otherwise, interesting list.

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    1. Dr. Matthew D. Zarzeczny, FINS
      Dr. Matthew D. Zarzeczny, FINS at |

      Dear Steve,

      Thank you for reading our list. Anyway, please see http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Maccabees+1&version=GNT as Alexander is indeed referenced in the Bible. I checked my physical copy of the Catholic Bible I received as a student at a Franciscan high scholl and it too does mention Alexander.

      Best,

      Matthew

      Reply
      1. Steve
        Steve at |

        And so I stand corrected. You can tell I don’t spend much time with Douay/Raimes. Thank you for pointing it out!

        Reply
        1. Dr. Matthew D. Zarzeczny, FINS
          Dr. Matthew D. Zarzeczny, FINS at |

          Dear Steve,

          You’re welcome! Have a nice night!

          Sincerely,

          Matthew

          Reply
  5. Manoli Stavrinakis
    Manoli Stavrinakis at |

    Where the heck is Samson?! He should be number three! He killed a thousand Philistines using a donkey’s jawbone!!!!!!!

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    1. ParusMajor
      ParusMajor at |

      You just opened the door for a million yo’ mamma -jokes… but I cannot be bothered. Please, somebody… kill Manoli with yo’ mamma jokes! 😀

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    2. Shell Harris
      Shell Harris at |

      Sampson would have been a good addition to this list and I have another one I was surprised to see left off, Jacob. He wrestled with God. Some believe it was “only” an Angel. See more: http://www.unionchurch.com/archive/100399.html

      Reply
      1. ParusMajor
        ParusMajor at |

        That was an interesting article, thanks for that. I wish that at Wrestlemania 30 next year they had a three-way match with God, Jacob and the Undertaker. There is no way a mere God could stop the Undertaker’s winning streak. No way. But if He teamed up with Jacob, then maybe. 😀

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  6. Steve
    Steve at |

    in real life, David wouldn`t beat Goliath. He`d get wasted.

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    1. Kich
      Kich at |

      In real life, getting hit in the forehead with a fast-moving rock kills you no matter how much taller than the other guy you are.

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  7. Petz
    Petz at |

    Davids sling isn’t open, he’ s holding both end in his hand.
    How could he us it to throw the stone then?

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    1. B. Thumper
      B. Thumper at |

      That, and the Bible says the stone “sank into his forehead” not bounced off like the picture shows. The picture looks like it’s from a children’s Bible or something. Maybe that was too graphic.

      http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Samuel%2017:49&version=NIV

      Reply
  8. 5minutes
    5minutes at |

    First – for my fellow Protestants, don’t beat your head too much trying to find Judith and the Macabees. It’s in the Old Testament apocrypha, some books that aren’t in the Protestant Bible, but are considered canon in the Catholic and Orthodox Bibles.

    Second – in Christian theology, #1 and #2 are the same person. Just sayin’.

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    1. ParusMajor
      ParusMajor at |

      I don’t know what kind of Christian theology you are referring to, but #1 and #2 are not the same person in Catholic or Protestant theology. Have you heard about the Holy Trinity? That means: God (the Father or Yahwe, i.e. #1), Jesus Christ (the Son that was sacrificed to save the humankind, i.e. #2) and the Holy Spirit (probably Chuck Norris or Hulk Hogan, I dunno.)

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      1. 5minutes
        5minutes at |

        I’m talking about orthodox Trinitarian Christian theology. Jesus is God. God is Jesus. I guess if you want to get technical, it’s three persons, one God, but it’s all still God. Same guy.

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        1. Shell Harris
          Shell Harris at |

          Think of it like an egg. Yolk, White and Shell. Three different parts, but all form the egg. Same way with the Trinity. Yes, simplistic, I know. But it helped me understand the concept of the Holy Trinity. Not to be confused with the character from the Matrix.

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          1. 5minutes
            5minutes at |

            The way we figured out in Bible school (guess what my degree’s in) is an ice cube in a pot of boiling water. You’ve got all three phases of matter present (solid, liquid, and gas), but they’re all still hydrogen hydroxide.

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            1. Thorrington516
              Thorrington516 at |

              Actually that’s true – 1 & 2 are not the same PERSON but they are the same God. Father, Son and Holy Spirit are the three persons within the Godhead – not three different Gods that are separate and individualistic but three persons within one Godhead that from eternity past to eternity future have perfect communion and interrelationship. It’s not that God transforms from the father to the son to the holy spirit like states of water, rather that like light through a prism which we see as ‘white’ has different colors within the spectrum and yet is still the same ‘white light’ so God has three distinct persons within the Trinity and yet is one God.

            2. 5minutes
              5minutes at |

              Yeah. Explaining the Trinity to people inside the Christian faith is almost as hard as describing it to people outside the Christian faith. I once had a nice discussion with a Muslim who insisted we were polytheists, and I tried to explain the whole Trinity concept to him, but it was very difficult.

          2. ParusMajor
            ParusMajor at |

            That’s a good analogy in a way, but then again… an egg is a thing that has a possibility to grow into a chicken, an actual living animal, if you don’t make an omelette of it. Do you think the Holy Trinity is something that could have grown into something if people hadn’t written the Bible and made an omelette of it? Damn, my head is about to explode…

            Reply
  9. ParusMajor
    ParusMajor at |

    Good list, but where’s Job? That dude had to endure a lot of bad things…

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    1. ParusMajor
      ParusMajor at |

      Oh, you did mention him in #2, sorry

      Reply

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