Movies are a window to another world, 90 minutes for us viewers to switch off our brains and be entertained. However, when you take a closer look at some movies, the actions of the characters seems downright stupid, especially when there are obvious, much better options available to them. For example.
10. Jurassic Park: Why Clone Any Dangerous Dinosaurs At All?
Jurassic Park is easily one of the greatest films of the films of all time. Its CGI, despite being 20 years old, is still some of the best ever seen. The basic premise of the film is that John Hammond wants to create a live-dinosaur-themed amusement park, and things go real bad real fast when all of the dangerous dinosaurs escape.
But here’s the thing: why were any dangerous dinosaurs cloned at all? They’d figured out how to clone freaking dinosaurs! They’d figured out how to slap God square in the mouth, and bring life to things that haven’t walked the face of our planet for 65 million years. Hammond could have filled the park with triceratops, stegosauri, or any other number of gentle, plant-eating dinosaurs, and people would have still visited his park in droves. Why? Because he cloned dinosaurs! And the second someone complained about the lack of velociraptors or T-Rexes (T-Rexi?), Hammond could have just laughed them off and told them to go make their own live-dinosaur-themed amusement park if they didn’t like his. Which clearly, no one could do but him. But he had to make the cool-ass T-Rex anyway, and paid dearly for his mistake.
9. Demolition Man: Why Not Revive John Spartan Instead?
Demolition Man is set in a universe where virtually all crime has been eliminated. The head honcho of this new utopia is one Dr. Raymond Cocteau who, in his infinite wisdom, revives Wesley Snipes (a sociopathic maniac,) and brainwashes him into doing his bidding.
Sure, it turns out that Cocteau is a douche who wants to control the entire world, but he’s also shown to be a genius. Why did he choose to revive Wesley Snipes, when Sylvester Stallone (a highly decorated police officer) was housed in the same prison and was presumably just as easy to brainwash? Instead of waking up Stallone and giving him his job back, he revives the most dangerous criminal of all time, and trains him how to stab a man in the kidneys with a fountain pen. This causes the police of the time to revive Stallone anyway, so all Cocteau did was leave the most delicious piece of cake on the counter for someone else to eat, while he feasted on the part with the cake knife still stuck inside.
8. Star Wars II: Why Doesn’t Yoda Use The Force Push?
The 900-year-old diminutive green dispenser of wisdom, AKA Master Yoda, spends most of the latter half of the trilogy telling people to chill. In Star Wars Episode 2 however, he tries to eviscerate Saruman using approximately all of the backflips. Because Yoda is a deep, complex character, who likes to backflip.
However, just as Yoda gets the upper hand, Count Dooku knocks over a pillar which threatens to kill Obi-Wan Kenobi. This forces Yoda to abandon the fight to stop the pillar from crushing Obi-Wan, which he does by slowly levitating it out of the way. By doing this, he completely neglects to use either Force Push or Pull, AKA the most basic Force abilities around. As Yoda himself says, the “size and weight of an object is only relevant in the mind of the practitioner.” Yoda is one of the most powerful Force users ever. Why does he choose to slowly float the pillar away, instead of forcefully knocking it back with a blast of his mind magic so he could, you know, stop one of the most evil men in the universe from getting away?
7. Equilibrium: Why Do They Not Search The Man Who Knows Kung-Fu For Guns Before Interrogating Him?
In Equilibrium, Christian Bale plays the role of a “cleric,” a future peacekeeper trained in the ancient art of “gun kata.” Which, according to the movie, means that “Through analysis of thousands of recorded gunfights, the Cleric has determined that the geometric distribution of antagonists in any gun battle is a statistically-predictable element.” Basically, if Christian Bale has a gun, the odds of your testicles being shot is increased by about 80%.
So why the Hell did no one check him for a gun when they decided to interrogate him. Because they don’t. Bale, using his years of experience and those guns he just happened to be hiding, is able to easily kill, well, everyone.
6. Hancock: Why Did The Woman, Who Knows Hancock Is Weaker When She’s Nearby, Visit Him When He Was Dying?
Hancock is an awesome film, providing you stop watching it at around the halfway mark. In the latter half of the film it’s revealed that, when the titular superhero of the film is near Charlize Theron’s character, he gets gradually weaker and more human. This culminates in Hancock being shot and almost killed. When Mary (Theron’s character) hears about this, instead of climbing in a car and driving as far away as possible from Hancock, she visits the hospital and stands right next to him. This slowly saps him of what was left of his superpowers and almost kills him, herself, and her boyfriend in the process. Smooth, Mary, smooth.
5. The Matrix: Why Did Trinity Warn The Agent That She Was Going To Shoot?
In the first Matrix film, it’s noted that the Agents are essentially unkillable beings of death. Fighting one is like trying to stop a metal fan with your testicles; even if you manage to stop it, you’re going to come out much worse off.
So when Trinity manages to sneak up on one, a feat that is, up to that point, deemed virtually impossible, she calmly and slowly says the words “dodge this,” before pulling the trigger. This is so unbelievably stupid, Carrie Ann Moss presumably had to re-take her SATs after filming the scene. The agents are shown to be able to move faster than bullets, and the one that Trinity shoots has a full 2 seconds to react and doesn’t. How one forgets that they can move 300 MPH at the drop of a hat is beyond us; if we had that power, we’d never forget about it, because we’d never stop using it.
4. Source Code: Why Doesn’t Jake Gyllenhaal Realize The Bomber Got Off The Train?
Source Code is a film in which Jake Gyllenhaal has to try and stop a bombing, by re-living the last 8 minutes of another person’s life. Basically, the train has a bomb on it and the person who planted it also planted another. It’s Gyllenhaal’s mission to find this man, so he can report it to the people sending him back in time.
It doesn’t occur to Gyllenhaal until around halfway through the film that, for the bomber to have warned people about another bomb, he would have gotten off of the train. It isn’t until around his 17th try that Gyllenhaal actually decided to follow somebody off of the train, and hence discovers the bombers identity. Essentially wasting precious minutes that could have been spent preparing for, and reducing the threat of, collateral damage. Smooth Gyllenhaal, smooth. Wait, we used that line already. These stupid movie decisions must be making us stupider by association.
3. In Time: Why Didn’t Justin Timberlake Use Any Of The Time He Stole?
In Time is a high-concept film in which all money is replaced by time. Everyone stops aging at 25 and, from that moment on, you can live forever, providing you can earn the time to do so. In the film, Justin Timberlake brings sexy back by stealing a million years worth of time from those corporate fat cats, to re-distribute it among the poor.
However, for reasons that are never explained, he neglects to take any of this time for himself. You could say that he ways being honorable by not using it, much like how Robin Hood never kept any of the Prince’s money for himself. However, a lot of the film’s drama comes from the fact that Timberlake is always running low on time. There’s no reason he couldn’t have taken a couple of days for himself so he didn’t, well, die before he was able to share the rest with all the starving poor people.
2. Karate Kid: Why Did Daniel-San Use The Crane Kick?
The Karate Kid is the underdog story of a young man who is taught karate by an elderly handyman, in an age before such people were put on lists and reported to the police. Mr. Miyagi teaches the film’s protagonist, Daniel, the crane kick, which he claims is able to stop any opponent if done correctly.
That’s all well and excellent, except the crane kick relies on the user kicking their opponent square in the face, something that is explicitly banned in the tournament that Daniel takes part in at the end of the film. The fact that Daniel is stupid enough to even thinks of using it, is only matched by the stupidity of the referee who doesn’t immediately disqualify him, and just lets it slide instead. Apparently, you’re allowed to openly break the rules in the Karate Kid universe as long as you do so awesomely.
1. Pulp Fiction: Why Does Marcellus Wallace Buy His Own Groceries?
Pulp Fiction is arguably one of Tarantino’s best films. One scene in particular involves one of the film’s main antagonists, Marcellus Wallace, being hit by a car driven by Bruce Willis, while he’s carrying a large box of donuts. Why Hollywood felt the need to keep making films after a moment this perfect is a mystery.
After being hit by the car, Wallace and Willis fight, and end up being prisoners of a perverted pawn shop owner. All of which would have been avoided if Marcellus Wallace sent one of the many men he has at his disposal to fetch his donuts for him. Come on Wallace, how do you expect to convince people you’re a powerful crime kingpin when you still have to go out and buy your own snacks?
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