Top 10 Strangest How-To Books


We all know about to how-to, DIY, books for dummies, whatever you want to call them, pieces of literature. Many have proven to be extremely helpful, such as those dealing with computer programming or doing something simple such as knowing how to prepare a great Italian dinner for your family.

With censorship out the window and freedom of speech blowing in, anyone can publish whatever they want. Whether you see this as a good or bad thing, there have most definitely been some pretty weird books that have been put in the reach of society’s hands. Here are the top 10 strangest how-to books that will most definitely leave you thinking “why?”

And yes, all of these books are real books and can be purchased.

10. How to Steal a Dog

Stealing dogs has never been so good! If you’re a cheapo who is looking to steal away man’s best friend, choose this how-to. Maybe you want a free dog, steal one! Though stealing a dog will probably get you put into prison. If you’re that lonely and that in need of someone, or something to talk to, just take a dog, the original owner will understand! How to Steal a Dog

9. How to Make a Dirty Movie

Oh honey don’t worry, I’m just reading about how to make a dirty movie. ..What?! Wouldn’t it be more precise to watch how to make a dirty movie? If you don’t know how to make a dirty movie, that might tell you something, or a few things. But let’s not go there. I guess some people just aren’t romantic or errr…that perverted? Whichever you think fits best. How to Make a Dirty Movie

8. How to be a Pope

I hope that this book was written by an ex-Pope, but it probably wasn’t, seeing as how writing about how to be a pope is probably a sin in one way or another. Anyone who is reading about how to be a pope, shouldn’t be a pope in the first place. Those who are destined to live in the Vatican generally know what their duties will be as a pope while they are archbishop or something. How to be a Pope

7. How to Break the Cycle of Life and Death

Now…maybe I’m not religious enough, or maybe I think too much, something, but who in their right mind believes that they can actually live forever? There isn’t a cycle to break. Life has a beginning, and an end. Maybe an afterlife, no one is too sure, but a book about how to be immortal? Interesting, to say the least. How to Break the Cycle of Life and Death

6. How to Raise and Keep a Dragon

I’m sure this would be a great book, if dragons really existed. Maybe they live and exist inside of your imagination, but not in mine. Besides, who’d want to keep an animal that can literally open its mouth and blowtorch you to death? I’d gladly pass on that option. If you ever cross paths with a dragon, find this book. How to Raise and Keep a Dragon

5. How to Start Your Own Country

If there is anyone, that has enough time and money to invest in starting his/her own country, I’d love to meet him/her. Even better, I’d love to meet the person that sat down and had enough time to write a book surrounding the idea of creating a country. For one, a country isn’t “created” by just one person; and two, land is always readily available, the only part that is started is a name. How to Start Your Own Country

4. How to Pee Standing Up

Apparently, being a girl and being able to pee while standing up is “hip.” I didn’t know women were looking to be more like men. I thought that whole individualism thing was still alive and well today. Would feminists frown or be happy about this book? Peeing standing up gives us one more privilege a man has! How to Pee Standing Up

3. How to Speak Cat

Speaking cat isn’t hard, mainly because cats generally don’t listen. Who’d invest their time trying to understand an animal that isn’t even seen most of the time? If you wanted to understand all of the different mews and sounds that come from your cat’s mouth, this is the book for you. Maybe you can even talk back… How to Speak Cat

2. How to Survive a Robot Uprising

This seems like a useless book to me. In order for robots to rise up, they’d need to have some sort of control. However, those little things called remote controls, come very in handy to control a robot. Surviving a robot uprising would include the click or switch of a button. Tough! I guess if you’re a sci-fi kinda guy you’d enjoy this book. How to Steal a Dog

1. How to Become a Schizophrenic

I didn’t know people actually could, and would want to “become” schizophrenic. Nothing like being able to allow yourself to become one who hears voices. However, I guess, maybe, it’s something worth experiencing. Who knows. On the brighter side, this book does provide many theories as how one becomes a schizophrenic. How to Become a Schizophrenic

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  1. feminists frown or be happy about this book?

    it just shows how ignorant you are about feminists

  2. I have a book called “How to Become Indecisive.” I’ve had it about a year. I’m going to read it. Maybe. But then… Maybe not. Oh, I don’t know!

  3. There was once a how-to book called “Hit Man: A Technical Manual for Independent Contractors” written by an alleged contract killer by the name of Rex Feral, who claimed to be exposing his greatest secrets of how to carry out contracted assassinations on the down-low AND “make a killing” ($$$) while doing so.

    Rex Feral turned out to be a bored Midwestern housewife who got the “secrets” from watching ’70s cop shows and crime movies. 10 years after the book was published, a Maryland man actually committed double-murder using the steps inside and was sentenced to life — and the publishing company held legally accountable for the crime because they had made available the information in the book. (Probably one of the first, or at least most controversial, “chilling effects” cases. This was in 1993, and the book published in ’83, long before the DMCA and Patriot Act and all that digital fascism took hold.)

    Should’ve been #1 on this list if only for notoriety.

  4. How to Steal a Dog shouldn’t count, because it’s not a how-to. It’s a middle-grade kid’s novel.

    I have a copy of “How to S*** in the Woods” all about going potty au natural.

  5. Just throwing it out there that getting off the cycle of birth and death isn't about immortality as it is reincarnation. You know, that funny little thing that billions of people believe in.

  6. Temporary Schizo on

    I can tell you how to become schizophrenic, although it’s only temporary. Just fall asleep listening to Pink Floyd’s The Dark Side Of The Moon.
    You’ll here voices for at least a week. Well… I did…

  7. You got it TopTenz. Some people just have no sense of humor. The list points out titles, not the story plot.

  8. I believe the author of this list of strange how to books was trying to pull humor from the titles moreso than the contents of the book. Remember, these lists are for pure entertainment value and should be treated as such. But I am glad you have liked and I hope you will continue to read it.

  9. I was really enjoying your lists on this site until I came across this one. All your commentary shows that you are ignorant about the books and didn't bother looking at what they were about.

    I like the site though, keep it up.

  10. How to Raise and Keep a Dragon looks so cute!

    There's a book called Steal This Book. But it's not a how-to, so it wouldn't be on this list. Still, this reminded me of it.

    Great site!