Top 10 Worst Shoes To Wear And Step In Dog Poop

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Keeping with a dog theme (see our top 10 smartest dogs), today’s top 10 list is a bit more bizarre, but still helpful advice for those who stroll in dog-filled neighborhoods. Behold the Top 10 Worst Shoes If You Step In Dog Poop.

10. Kitten Heels

Ever walked over grass with kitten heels? Those little heals sink right in and it’s like you are wearing flats. Imagine if the grass was actually dog poop. Yuck.

9. Heelys

Stepping in dog poo is bad enough but how about gliding through it balanced on your heels? I hope you’re wearing a helmet! And, good luck cleaning the poop out of the wheel well…

8. Marabou Slippers

I’m optimistically placing this one lower on the list because I’m hoping the ‘gift’ your neighbor’s dog left in your yard is shallow enough not to hit the feathers. The risk is there and, as an added bonus, they are always open-toed, so if you are fancy enough to go take out the trash in your silky robe and marabou slippers, watch your step!

7. Brand New White Running Shoes

If you are impractical enough to buy white street shoes then you know it is only a matter of time before they get their first scuff and it’s all down hill from there. Imagine stepping out in your brand new shoes only to step in dog doo-doo. Brown shoes suddenly make so much more sense.

6. Flip Flops

The first thing to point out about these shoes is that they make you walk funny (“Flip, Flop, Flip, Flop, Flip, Flop”) so I’m opposed to them in general. However, for the purposes of this list I am warning you away from them for two reasons: 1) They leave most of your foot exposed; 2) If you step in something (like some dog flop, for example) it is likely to flip up on to your calf.

5. Converse (classic style Chuck Taylors)

My recent personal experience with my chucks and some doggy diarrhea actually led to this list. First of all they are generally made out of canvas so the poop puddle I stepped in soaked right through. Not something you can just wipe off on the grass: you’re stuck with it until you get home and by this time your socks are d-d-d-d-damp. Secondly, they have air holes on the sides for extra sauce on the side. And, if you’re like me, you’ve worn them until they have some extra holes worn in to them. Yippee. But, wait, there’s more! The soles have deep grooves that trap whatever you step in.

4. Espadrilles

Made out of cloth and woven fibres – you might as well just think of the soles as a big dry sponge. You can take shoe out of the pile of dog poop but good luck ever getting that smell completely out of the shoe…

3. Bunny Slippers

So adorable, so fluffy and white… these tame little bunnies are safest indoors. But, as they say, sh*t happens. When it does I would recommend you leave them outside…

2. Custom-dyed Wedding/Prom Shoes

These shoes are dyed to match your dress exactly for very special occasions. Occasions so special that you probably only wear these shoes outside on “the big day”. Which means that if you step in something brown and squishy it will be on your way to the big event. At least try not to get any on your dress when you are desperately trying to wipe the mess off the linen fabric. Ask that limo driver to stop off at a shoe store on the way.

1. Aquasocks

They are called aqua ”socks” and they are a lot like stepping in dog poo in your socks. Yuck. Hopefully there is some aqua near by so you can rinse off your feet… Photo by by theopie

Need one more? If I had to add in a number 11 it may be loafers for men, as they aren’t easy to clean either!

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9 Comments

  1. Startdust Fairie on

    Dear Aqua Socks,

    You have brought me so much joy and anguish in one click of a finger…the thought of those rubbery angels brushing up against me in the water makes me swoon/vomit. It is my belief that all people liable and guilty of possessing the Devil's shoes should be persecuted and burned at the stake. I sincerely hope you figure everything out and take my suggestions,

    LOVE YA!!!!!

    • Checked it out and you are correct -thanks for pointing that out. Now I'm trying to decide which would be worse in an unfortunate dog poop experience… the aqua socks have drainage holes at the bottom and a mesh upper, while the five finger classics are the closest you can get to stepping into dog doo with bare feet… maybe a tie for first place?

  2. I would add Crocs. I stepped in animal dung (could have been cow, sheep or goat) wearing my offroad Crocs and couldn’t get it all out of the holes. Had to buy new ones.

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