Author: Jason Iannone

Anyone can make anything into a drinking game, with just a little imagination and a near-total disregard for one’s liver. So why, pray tell, would you give somebody else money to come up with a game for you? You COULD spend $20 on a box with a bunch of plastic and cardboard inside, booze sold…

When corporations trot out a mascot to help sell their product, they usually aim for light, fluffy, and friendly. That way nobody gets upset, nobody writes angry mails, and everybody keeps paying out the nose. Some companies want to look cool and badass though, in the hopes of attracting those who want only the edgiest,…

Original, interesting comedy is great, but crafting it is so damn HARD. Luckily, imitation and unoriginality are just as popular, if not more lucrative. Dane Cook, Jay Leno, Carlos Mencia, Denis Leary, and millions upon millions of Internet commenters can’t be wrong. Not to mention the guy in the grocery store checkout line who thinks…

Even famous people have to admit that famous people can be quite obnoxious, especially when they fight. When anonymous schmucks like us get into a scuffle with other anonymous schmucks, very few people tend to care, an even fewer talk about it. But celebrities? If they don’t like each other, we’re all forced to bear…

The good citizens of Sequelsville welcome its newest member: Pixar!  The success of the Toy Story sequels, along with Cars 2 because God hates us all, has apparently made Pixar as sequel-happy as anybody else.  Monsters Inc. 2, a prequel to the original hit, is slated for next year.  Sure glad they’re tying up all…

All this week, we at TopTenz will be celebrating the publication of 1,000 articles, with a series of articles centered around the number 1,000.  Along with letting The Count from Sesame Street act out his ultimate wet dream, the 1000-themed week will showcase many great articles, this one most of all.  Modesty is for weenies.…

Not all Leaders Of The Free World are created equal.  For every Washington, Lincoln, Jefferson, or Roosevelt, there are at least five no-names who became President basically by default.  To many of us, they were seat-warming figureheads who did next-to-nothing with their time, who only got to keep the job for four years because they…

OK, that’s enough; the jokes are over.  For too long, my brethren and I have sat idly by, while you and your stupid little buddies mock us.  “Gingers. BAH,” you spit with disgust.  “They have no souls.  They can’t walk in the daytime.  They’ll steal people’s children in the night.  They’re like pale Pokemon: gotta…

If the 90’s and early 00’s taught us anything, it’s that anything that’s normally totally bogus and square can be turned awesome and tubular simply by making it EXTREEEEEEEEEEME.  There were (and still are) a lot of extreme variations on mundane everyday crap, such as TV shows, food, sports, and everyday household items. But how…

One of the upsides to skinning our food, cutting it up into several little bitty pieces, and then drowning it all in tasty condiments, is that it allows us to have dinner without considering that animal’s face.  If every plate of burger and fries featured the head of a cow staring at you, with those…

Every musician has to evolve.  If the music you put out in 2012 is the exact same crap as you put in 1982, then you’re either an unoriginal, talentless hack, or AC/DC.  It’s expected that your art grows and matures as you grow and mature as well. Some musicians, however, take that idea to the…

Nothing turns an otherwise educated and logical human being into a drooling moron faster than a lottery ticket.  The recent Mega Millions jackpot, which reached $640,000,000 before finally being hit, featured 1:179,000,000 odds of winning, which did not stop everybody in the universe from scrambling to buy as many tickets as possible because HEY YA…

Chances are, your favorite team has a fairly silly logo.  The vast majority of them are cartoonish in nature, but at least the ones today look good.  Computer animation, slick artwork, and fine-tuned quality control churn out logos that may be geared toward children, but at least look good on that ridiculously overpriced Official Team…

It’s been two years since Saturday Night Live attempted a film based on one of their recurring characters (MacGruber).  It sucked.  Before that, it had been TEN years between movies (Ladies’ Man).  That one REALLY sucked.  In fact it’s pretty much the definition of public knowledge that, aside from Blues Brothers and the first Wayne’s…

More than any other type of music, hip hop relies on stage names to help sell the artist to the public.  Usually, these names are derived from childhood experiences, and are designed to sound utterly bad-ass.  For real, even if you had no idea who Ghostface Killa or the Notorious B.I.G. were, would you screw…

One of the most difficult skills to master when telling a story is knowing when to stop telling it.  The temptation to go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on until somebody points a gun to your head and tells you to shut up or…

Let’s face it, nobody cares what YOU have to say.  Even if it’s the most profound, life-affirming statement ever, the fact that it comes from you and your anonymous little mouth renders it meaningless to all but your closest friends and maybe your Mom (if you’ve been calling her lately, that is). In cases like…

Everybody needs a hobby, even famous people.  After all, they can’t just do the one thing that earns them millions upon millions of dollars, day on and day out, without some variety to keep their lives interesting.  Some celebrities have turned their hobbies into legitimately respectable second careers. Key word: some.  Other times, they take…

Advocates of civil disobedience believe it’s OK to disobey an unjust law.  And everybody disobeys those silly small-town laws that prohibit things like training lions to ride unicycles on Sunday.  This is OK, because what else are you gonna do on a Sunday?  Read? Then there are laws and rules, on the books basically everywhere,…

We all love a good list; it’s a quick, easy, and convenient way to organize information without starting every other paragraph with “Oh, and ALSO…” But they need to be interesting, especially in this age of endless information bombarding you from all directions, plus a few more that haven’t been discovered yet. With thousands of…

When you read a celebrity’s memoirs, you expect juicy confessions, tell-all gossip, and war stories that couldn’t be fictional because nobody has enough imagination to make this crap up (Keith Richards snorting his father’s ashes because he couldn’t find any other drugs comes immediately to mind). Of course, all that flies out the window if…

Judging by the many, many, many VH1 specials chronicling one-hit wonders, it’s obvious people love the idea of a musician striking gold once and then fading away into utter obscurity. That one song is usually a hook-laden earworm that won’t leave your head for the next week after hearing it, and thus most one-hit wonders…

It’s tough to be completely original in music; we get that.  There are so many bands and so many styles that virtually everybody is going to end up sounding like somebody else at one point or another. Some people though, take that excuse to the extreme, and basically make their fortune off other people’s sounds.  The…

Some songs are just plain cool, invoking images of aggression, testosterone, passion, sex, or just a general eff-you attitude toward the world.  But ion the wrong hands, the song can become a parody of itself.  Those hands are usually found on the bodies of people that make movies and the trailers that hype them.  If…