Animals normally come in one color scheme, due to the fact that they’ve evolved to be as coordinated with their environment as possible. Standing out or being different is oftentimes a death sentence. Nature is a cruel mistress though, which is why we have animals like these.
10. The White Gorilla
Gorillas are like nature’s way of saying evolution screwed us over. We may have the ability to drive cars, play video games, and work button-fly jeans, but gorillas have the ability to beat you to death with your own soul. With that in mind, Snowflake is not a name you’d give to a gorilla, yet somebody totally did because, like a Snowflake, this particular gorilla was as white as a ghost’s passport photo. Not to mention every photo of him was so cute, men have to actively fight their bodies natural instinct to grow ovaries.
9. Pink Dolphins
Although given the unofficial nickname of “the clowns of the sea” by Lenny from The Simpsons, dolphins are anything but. What they should be famous for is being one of the few animals that kill for fun, and for having a really messed up sex life. But one thing everyone knows is that they’re dolphin-colored, unless of course they’re Amazon River Dolphins, which come in pink. Nice work, nature. That’s just what we needed: an animal capable of murder and rape that’s the same color as an 8-years-old’s bedroom. As if dolphins needed another reason to be angry.
8. Purple Squirrel
Squirrels are awesome. They’re the only animal on Earth that looks like it’s constantly sitting on a really fuzzy throne, and how can you not love that? Now normally, they come in two colors red and grey. The word “normally” was used because, according to legend and against all logic, they also apparently come in purple. Wikipedia actually lists several recorded cases of purple squirrels, none of which have an explanation as to how they became purple. You see this, science? This is where our money should be going.
7. Two-Toned Lobster
In the wild, lobsters come in a wide variety of colors: green, purple and even bright blue. In fact, the one color they don’t come in is red, which is caused by cooking them. That, in turn, causes them to sound like they’re screaming, because sometimes mere cooking isn’t exciting enough.
The above lobster, named Two-Face (mere coincidence, we’re sure) was the result of a 1-in-50 million roll of the DNA dice, giving him the appearance of being exactly half-cooked. This, ironically saved him from being wholly cooked and then eaten: proof that being good-looking gives you all the perks, even if you’re a lobster.
6. The Chimera Cat
You probably saw a picture of Venus The Kitten making its rounds on the Internet earlier this year. And we’re not surprised; the Internet has a well-known hard on for cats. A lobster that looks half-cooked is kind of cool, but a cat with two faces, complete with different colored eyes, is going to melt a whole bunch of servers.
The coloring is the result of chimerism which, if you’re really interested in, you can read all about here, but the basic gist is they killed two cats and stuck them together. Kinda like Sid from Toy Story, only with flesh-and-blood animals instead of secretly-anthropomorphic pieces of plastic.
5. Black Tigers
White tigers, in addition to being Tommy the White Power Ranger’s animal of choice, is also critically endangered. Black tigers go one step further, being even rarer than actual Power Rangers, and are the result of a genetic defect. The most awesome part, though, is that this little cub has two white siblings, meaning that, when they walk together, they look like one of them is being followed by a fuzzy little shadow. That also means one of them doesn’t have a shadow, which only makes them more badass.
4. Ghost Goldfish
You expect a goldfish to be one color: GOLD. It’s in their freaking name, after all. But names aren’t an exact indicator of what to expect from something, as my Spanish cousin Karlos del Enormodong would strongly attest.
Goldfish, at any time in their life and without reason, can change color. This can range from a simple dulling of their normally vivid orange, right up to losing any color whatsoever, which is when they become ghost fish. Well that’s what they should be called. You know, to freak out the kids.
3. Rainbow Pigeons
Pigeons, AKA gutter birds, AKA rats with wings, AKA flying disease sacks, aren’t well liked, and for very good reason. They’ve just got no style. Also, they’re filthy and contain more disease than the collective cast of Jersey Shore. But one guy apparently thought it was the style thing mostly, and straight-up painted a whole punch of pigeons in Venice.
Taking the adage “you can’t polish a turd but you can roll it in glitter” to heart, the artist painted several pigeons a multitude of colors, in an attempt to make people change their perceptions of the birds. Because nothing screams “not at all a pest” like violently flicking paint chips in your face, whenever it flies away from your latest attempt to pet it. Your fault for wanting to pet the damn thing, by the way.
2. White Ravens
Ravens are considered an omen in some areas of society, which is no surprise since they’re mostly famous for harassing the bejeezus out of Edgar Allen Poe. With their shadowy figures, and beady little shark eyes, it’s no wonder people fear them.
If you’re one of those people then worry no more, because we’re going to cure you of your irrational fear of devil birds, by introducing you to these little guys, named Tic, Tac, and Toe, because at least one part of their story had to be utterly adorable. They were nursed to health after being found malnourished and on the brink of death. The cause of this was likely a series of attacks from other, more normally colored ravens, who did not accept their white brethren. Damn reverse racist birds.
1. Stripeless Zebra
Zebras are known for exactly one thing: having stripes. So, wouldn’t a stripeless zebra technically be a horse? That goes against everything I’ve ever been taught. When we first learn the alphabet, a zebra is the go-to animal for the letter Z. What is this thing then? A Z? An H? A Zh? How would pronounce that anyway? Oh Lord, I don’t know what colors even are any more.