Sex serves two distinct purposes: pleasure and procreation. But there’s a third, less popular (at least depending on your religion) purpose: to break world records.
While it may be nice to one day bounce a little baby on your knee and watch it grow into a responsible man or woman, it’s probably less nice to have to swim through a sea of wiggling feet and pudgy cheeks just to leave the house. And surely leaving the house is suddenly the most fun activity in your life if you are any one of the prolific baby-making fathers on this list.
Here’s a look at a few men who simply do not know when to call it quits:
10. Warren Jeffs
Stereotypes come alive in the Church of Latter-day Saints (Mormonism)- their presidents have a tradition of fathering record-breaking numbers of children (with multiple spouses of course). Jeffs is responsible for the mass production of 60 children via as many as 70 wives. But his personal contribution to population density isn’t his worst crime; in 2005 he was placed on the FBI’s Most Wanted List for fleeing charges involving his role in arranging the illegal under-aged marriages of his followers. Also, he was convicted of child sexual assault last year, female victims being as young as 12 and 15. He has been sentenced to life “plus twenty years” in prison.
9. Rulon Jeffs
Rulon Jeffs gives new meaning to the expression, “Like father, like son.” The father of Warren (and many others), he has created roughly 65 children with 75 wives (and as his son Warren proves, not every one turns out so great). Rulon’s father is actually the one who explained the merits of polygamy to him in 1938, being the product of a multi-wife practician himself.
8. Ramon Revilla
A Filipino actor and former senator, his greatest accomplishment is a non-paying one: Revilla created 72 little Ramons with the help of 16 women. After appearing in some small roles and heading the Secret Service Unit of the Bureau of Customs, he decided in 1972 to create his own production company (Imus Productions) with wife-at-the-time Azucena, writing and directing his own pictures. In 1992, he became senator and held office for two terms. Playing mostly tough guy roles in action films, he wouldn’t be the last of his kind to hold office (e.g. Arnold) and certainly not the last to incite controversy via the fruit of his overactive loins.
7. Cecil Byran Jacobson
This case is rather disturbing. Jacobson was a fertility doctor out of Salt Lake City, Utah. He came under investigation for feigning pregnancy results (false positives), and amidst such, another horrifying truth came to surface. Jacobson had been using his own sperm to impregnate patients. While 15 children matched his DNA, it is speculated that a total of 75 may be of his doing (or wrongdoing, that is). He was charged with all kinds of fraud in 1992, receiving only 5 years in prison and a revoked medical license. That same year he also received an “Ig Nobel Prize” in Biology, the prize being a parody of the Nobel going to discoveries that “cannot or should not be reproduced.”
6. Ramesses II
Largely considered the greatest pharaoh in Egyptian history, Ramesses led many a great fertile siege, with positive results; he also was responsible for many victorious territorial battles. He was a great, covetous, waste-laying conqueror, but no more evidence exists than in the number of pregnancies his wide-eyed pursuits caused: with 8 wives (not all simultaneously), he had at least 80 children, 44-56 being sons and 40-44 being daughters. You have to wonder if, after that many children, if he didn’t start to look like the dried up mummy much earlier on.
5. Emperor Meiji
Another powerful leader with a powerful sperm count, this Japanese emperor had 87 children. He reigned from 1867 to 1912 and had a wife and several concubines, 2 of which died while bearing his initial children. His succeeding son as it turned out had a crippling neurological condition, which ultimately resulted in his inability to serve. Emperor Meiji himself died of medical conditions he suffered from, including diabetes and uremia. Unfortunately, in these times, healthcare wasn’t exactly at the top of its game, not exactly the best of conditions to have 87 children in.
4. Ziona Chana
This skilled seed-planter (so to speak) is the head of the Chana sect of Christianity in India. This sect, a polygamist one, was formed in 1942, and through it Chana maintained 39 wives and fathered 94 children. His family is identified as the largest existing one today, with 14 daughters in law and 33 grandchildren tipping the scale well over reasonability. How this counts as Christianity makes their doctrines all the more alluring, if at least for good bathroom reading material.
3. Winston Blackmore
Another Mormon hogging a spot on this list, Blackmore leads a Mormon Fundamentalist sect called the “Blackmore/Bountiful Community” and cranked out 121 kids with the help of up to 25 wives. Leading Canada’s largest polygamist sect of Mormonism, its hard not to think the numbers were rigged a little in his favor, since he is inherently securing a strong headcount all by himself.
2. King Sargon
Sargon of Akkad (real name unknown) was a Semitic emperor who ruled and conquered the Sumerian city-states somewhere between the 23rd and 22nd centuries B.C. (historical memory starts getting a little fuzzy when you go back in time that far). Sargon’s empire includes large chunks of Mesopotamia, and what’s now Iran, Asia Minor, and Syria. Well his facts are a little hazy, but it is said that he had about 200 children, a virtual military unto itself.
1. Ismail Ibn Sharif
This guy, allegedly, was a baby-making maniac. A sultan during the Moroccan Alaouite Dynasty, he reigned from 1672-1727 and is said to have fathered 867 children, consisting of 525 sons and 342 daughters. If so, strict baby-making would then be a task demanding his utmost sultanic attention. The number seems improbable, like the kind of exaggeration passed-down in myths by the palace-full. However, Morocco- where literary greats like Tennessee Williams and William S. Burroughs were known to seek inspiration- is the perfect source for such great artistic liberty.